Ruminator

Photo by: Tim Bindner Saturday October 28, 2023. I woke at 6am and gathered my things. I ate breakfast and loaded my stuff in the car before making the 15-minute drive to Mount Saint Francis. There was unseasonably warm weather for this time of year, and we expected rain tomorrow, so this would be my only chance to hike this weekend. I expected today and tomorrow to be in the mid-sixties before Monday, and the rest of the week would only reach high in the upper forties. I drove to Mount Saint Francis in the dark. My wipers were on as the mist covered my front windshield. This was not fog, but a light mist. I soon arrived in the parking lot and sat in my car, debating if I wanted to hike or not. I don’t mind cool weather, but rain can make things miserable and dangerous. After five minutes, I made my mind up to hike. Heading down the initial path towards the woods, my glasses got covered by the light mist. I had a baseball cap on, but the brim only blocked part of mother nature’s spray.

Drawing by: Shawn Coss I have well-documented my mental health journey. Through counseling and my research, I am trying to learn what makes me tick. This has been and will be a lifelong journey. Part of that research leads me to purchasing a book. The book is called It’s All In Your Head: 2 nd Dose Edition , and it is by Shawn Coss. I stumbled upon this book through a social media page, and what initially struck me and drove me to purchase the book were two things. First were the illustrations by Shawn in the book and next, how he laid out the book. According to the book, Shawn has depression, anxiety, and many other things I also suffer from. I quickly learned this book is something I can relate to. The layout of his book is simple. On the left-hand page, he has a drawing depicting the disorder or phobia. On the right-side, he has a disorder or phobia. Shawn typically gives his own account of how he addresses that topic, using a concise description based on the disorder’s technical d

Photo by: Tim Bindner This week was rough. I had to get out to the woods and hike. I did, and the views were wonderful. However, I have a question for you. I arrived at O’Bannon Woods State Park around 8am. I noticed one truck in the parking lot, but it seemed like someone had parked it there overnight. Parking my car, grabbed my gear and made my way towards the trail. The cool 48-degree air electrified my senses as I crossed the locked gate and headed down the horse trail. The gravel and loose leaves beneath my feet made the first part of the journey sketchy, but soon I found my rhythm. I made my way past the campground and the campfire smoke filled my nose. I saw the beams of sunrays kissing the tops of the trees as I descended further into the woods. Soon I could no longer hear any sounds or smell the campfire smoke. A dog was barking in the distance as I began, and that also faded. I was alone. My destination was Sharpes Cemetery. A small place deep in the woods close to this horse

Photo by: Tim Bindner Yesterday afternoon I got a text from a local farmer. He responded to a text I sent a few days earlier asking him when they plan to cut. His response is “ we are finishing up at another location but should be home this afternoon ”. I have been to this farm before and spoke to the owner Daryl a few times since. He is a kind man, likely in his seventies, and has had this farm in his family for generations. Here is a link to my blog post from my last visit – https://timothybme.com/down-on-the-farm/ . Arriving at the farm, I saw to my right a few machines had already begun cutting down the corn stalks. There were a few semi-trucks in front of me, so I snaked my way past them and parked in a grass field opposite the corn field. I grabbed my camera and headed for the expansive corn fields of Hauswald Farms. The area below Highway 62 in the picture above is all the farms. Today I was where the gray Hauswald Farm pointer was on the map. All my shots were in the field to t

Photo by: Tim Bindner There is a lyric from a song called Too Much Information by The Police that was appropriate for how I felt this weekend. The lyrics are “ Too much information running through my brain. Too much information driving me insane ”. Between Friday night and Saturday, I experienced a lot of stimuli and decision making that had my head spinning. I will discuss that in a later post, but today I want to talk about Sunday. Sunday morning, I needed a break. My body needed a break, and so did my mind. I received a new camera lens in the mail and made plans to meet Mark at Mt. Saint Francis at 8am for a hike. I hoped for a peaceful walk to clear my head. When I arrived, the lot was full of cars, and Mark was sitting parked in his. I pulled in next to him, got out, grabbed my gear, and prepared for a trek. The 52-degree air had me questioning whether I should go short sleeve or a hoodie. I chose short sleeves. It was a wonderful decision. I was sweating by the time I returned

Photo by: Tim Bindner Saturday morning, I hit the trail for the first time this season. I didn’t know how much I missed it. My legs, however, quickly reminded me. I woke up around 6 am. Quietly got out of bed so as not to disturb my wife, got dressed, ate breakfast, and waited. I had my gear ready the night before, other than my water. Mark and I agreed he would pick me up at 8 am, and then we headed to O’Bannon Woods State Park. He arrived a few minutes early. I grabbed my camera, backpack, jacket, kissed Marcie, and headed out to my driveway. The drive was nothing special, but my anticipation was building. We saw someone at the gate, but no admission was required. Mark made a slight right turn and soon parked us under the fire tower, where we began gathering our things. My goal today was to hike the Fire Tower trail one way for 2 miles, then make the return trip back. It was 43 degrees, and I could feel the electricity in the air. Electricity brought on by the excitement of doing wha

Photo by: Tim Bindner I recently sold a photographic print. The subject from my last blog post titled ‘ 2 versions ’. The same person has bought prints from me before and loved the dark version and wanted to purchase a print of it. They even dubbed it “ a masterpiece ” and “ priceless ”. I shared the news with some friends of my sale, and one friend stated “ you are talented ” to which a snarky replied, “ I point the camera and push the button. Camera does all the hard stuff ”. Her rebuttal floored me. “ Not everyone can see the beauty and knows what to capture ”. Such a simple and kind statement, but it took me aback. It also got me thinking. The reason I got into photography was to slow things down. Mainly slow down my brain. To focus (yes, it’s a pun) on something and capture (or try to) what I was seeing and feeling at that moment. Dr. Erin and my friend Mark asked if the ‘ dark ’ edit was coming from a place of darkness or a reflection of the major medical issue I had that day. Th

Photo by: Tim Bindner Today I looked at one of my previous photographs and it inspired me to edit the original composition differently. As you know, I love black and white, but I took this one is in color. It turns out to be of my favorite shots I have ever taken. Dr. Erin even purchased this one (the original version), and it is hanging in her office. I took the shot at Mount Saint Francis at 8:40am on Thursday, November 24, 2022. Little did I know what the day had in store for me. They admitted me to the hospital for a heart attack that occurred during or after taking this memorable picture. For me, the picture stands alone from the memories I will have of what happened later and this shot does not remind me of that ill-fated day. More of the moment I captured it. When I took this photograph, I felt I captured something more spiritual. More ethereal. Certainly, more natural. What caught my eye was the fog coming through the trees and the rays of sun illuminating the bench below. I di