Skip to main content

My "why"



Photo by: Tim Bindner

What is my why?

Google states your “Why” is a statement of purpose that describes why you do the work you do and why you live the lifestyle you do. It is your calling. It is your conviction. I have been thinking about the “Why” of my life. Just as much as happiness is something that’s unique for every single person, the “Why” differs from person to person.

My friend Wes said, “God has created you with gifts, abilities, experience, and personality to impact the world… no other person has the combination of these things — just you!! Use who God has created you to be with your strengths and gifts; use your story to shine a light on Him.” He then added, “The same God who created all those mountains you like snapping. He made you too. No wonder you like nature, you have the same Creator. Common bond.”

At age 55, I sometimes am still trying to figure out my purpose in life. Defining my “Why” is part of that journey. I have a good job that I like, but that does not define me. It is not my so called ‘calling’, but I work, work hard, and leave work when I log off. My focus is on my “Why” in life outside of work. I know the things that make me happy, but is there a purpose to them in my life? Are they why I live? Are they why God put me on this earth?

Another friend, Troy, stated when told of this question I was asking myself, “That sounds like something we all do. You’re just brave enough to ask the question.”

Back in 2019, I wrote a blog about my legacy. I will link to that story below. Please take the time to read it.

Many of the questions I had then, I still have now. Since I wrote that, I have survived the Covid-19 pandemic, a heart attack, the passing of my mother, my son moving out of the house, a stomach cancer scare and a 50lb weight loss. My mental health journey has vastly improved, but still not great.

So, what is my why? I must start with my wife and son. For Marcie, I do everything I can to make her happy. Support her as best I can and support her emotionally when I am not battling my own internal demons. I try to be a good husband, but don’t feel I am always successful at that.

My son is a similar story. I still try to provide for him, but with him being on his own, I rarely see or hear from him unless he needs something from me. I have not been a good father to him, but I try to do my best to be there for him. I hope he absorbed some of the things I tried to teach him.

I feel my why truly comes from two things. My photography and my writing. These are the only true things I can control and are uniquely my own.

As I grow, learn, and practice photography, I am getting better at it. My psychologist has always tried to get me to say my work is great. I am not sure I will ever feel that way. I have, however, compromised and admitted SOME of my pictures are good. I strive to improve any time I shoot. The “why” of my photography is the fact that I will have some pictures to share later in life. I shoot only for myself and what I want, and a bonus is others enjoy them too. A few people have even purchased my prints. I don’t display my prints in galleries or sell them for high prices, but it’s an honor when people buy them for their home or office. My goal, when I go shoot, is to share the beauty I recognize in the world. That is “why” I do it.

My writing, like my photography, it is unique to me. I write about topics I want. I put my own thoughts and perspectives behind the topics. I bare my soul. I convey with complete honesty the points in each post. I have never admitted I am right or an expert on any subject, but I pour my heart out based on my honest opinion and experiences in my life.

Multiple people have either identified with the messages in my blogs, or even told me I never thought of that after reading one. Others have even told me I helped them understand someone who is like me by writing about my experience. Better yet, some have praised me for my vulnerability, honesty, and willingness to share. My “why” is this exercise. To navigate my brain and release my troubling thoughts in my journal or in my blog post. To help people as I try to help myself while navigating through my life.

I will not change the world. I will not cure cancer, star in a great movie, or save someone’s life. But if my photography and/or blog posts help one person or bring at least one person joy, then my “why” has been defined and fulfilled.

Link mentioned above:

Legacy Post – https://timothybme.com/legacy/

Until next time,

Tim

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Love to get your feedback on what you read!

Popular posts from this blog

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...
Post a Comment
Read more

Waiting for the End to Come

  I have been in a funk lately. I am adjusting to my anxiety medicine, and I feel it is working, but maybe too well. Last week I met with Dr. Erin. She, of course, asked me how I was feeling and honestly, I told her I was not really feeling anything. We dug deeper, and she explained that my anxiety prior to the medicine was like a roller coaster. I had extreme highs and extreme lows. Now with the medicine it is more of a flatter track. I am not hitting the lows; Like I was before (which is good), but also not hitting the highs either. I feel like I am purely existing. Little desire to do much of anything. It’s true my passions are hiking and photography, which I do little of in the summer because of ticks, heat, and snakes. I know fall is approaching and I hope that helps me get out of this funk somewhat. I will also speak to my psychiatrist about lowering my dosage to see if that helps. Even my writing has been affected. I have not had the desire to write. Music, however, ha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Rumination

  I've found myself stuck in a loop lately. It's like my mind is on a hamster wheel, endlessly circling the same thoughts. I can't seem to shake them. It's exhausting. I've been there. That place where thoughts loop around and around, like a broken record stuck on the same groove. It's like my mind is a haunted house, and these persistent thoughts are the ghosts haunting me. I'll be thinking about something, maybe a conversation I had earlier in the day, and then suddenly, I'm spiraling. I'm replaying every word, every gesture, analyzing every detail. It's like a broken record, playing the same tune repeatedly. It's not just conversations, either. I can ruminate about my to-do list, my relationships, or even the weather. It's as if my brain is determined to find a problem, no matter how small. Rumination, as it's called, can be a real drain. It's like trying to go against the flow of a strong current. No matter how hard I ...
Post a Comment
Read more