Anxiety

Photo by: Tim Bindner

I had a friend contact me and stated they had awful anxiety one day recently and even stated it was “in the billions”. As one who suffers from anxiety, I understood how she felt and what she was going through. I will share how I deal with these types of situations of events.

Anxiety is defined as what we feel when we are worried, tense, or afraid–particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future. Anxiety is a natural human response when we feel we are under threat. It can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. It also can be summed up as Intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Fast heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, and feeling tired may occur.

First, let me say we all have anxiety. Some more than others, and some deal with it much better (my wife) than others. Regardless of how you deal with it, it affects us all in different ways.

I have learned through counseling and learning how situations impact me, how to better handle my anxiety. For me, the first part recognizes what triggers my anxiety. If I must face a situation that I know will trigger feels of anxiety, I have learned (mostly) how to prepare for this.

Next, whether in the middle of an attack, or right after an attack, I have learned again with experience and Dr. Erin’s help to find those things that help calm my mind. For me, it is listening to music, hiking (or just sitting) in the woods, blogging, journaling, and taking pictures. Everyone has something or a few things that can calm them down, but it is up to each individual to discover those things. I also want to point out, smoking, drugs or alcohol are not the answers. They only mask the problems.

Finally, and I think this is key, is acknowledging that each person’s anxiety results from their own mind. That is why one thing that might send me into a mental tailspin, for someone else it might be “what’s the big deal? Don’t worry about it.” We all rely on our experiences to deal with whatever situation we encounter. That is why something so impactful to me might not even be a fleeting thought to someone else, and vice versa.

It has taken me over 54 years to learn that I do NOT control other’s thoughts and feelings. It is also not my job to change them. Not everyone will approve of my thoughts, actions, statements, looks, or choices in life, but I am learning to live for me and not anyone else. I grew up looking for approval of others, and that has led me to having low self-esteem, low self-image, and low self-confidence. Again, with Dr. Erin’s help (I still have much more to discuss with her), I am becoming more confident and much less needing of approval of others.

People will judge you. They will let you know their approval or disapproval of your thoughts, actions, feelings etc. Heck, Jesus could return to earth, and I guarantee he would be met with hate, hostility, and negativity by many people. So why should you care what others think?

We all want to be loved, respected, acknowledged, and validated. The problem is we expect all that from others (even family) when honestly the only one who should love, respect, acknowledge and validate us is us.

I have well documented my need for approval from my parents (especially my mother) growing up. It took me until after her death to realize that whatever or whoever she wanted me to be was in her mind and should have never affected the man I have become.

I hope my friend can find peace. To live as she wants and not try to fit into the mold others want her to. To live her own life and make her own decisions without the influence of others.

I once read, “Other people’s perceptions of you ain’t none of your business.”

Truer words were never spoken, and this is the mantra we should all follow.

Until next time.

Tim