Peace

Photo by: Tim Bindner

As I am approaching my next trip around the sun, I have been thinking a lot about my past. Recent past, childhood, teenage years, young adulthood and the decisions I have made along the way. I also wonder about the various outcomes, or how my life would be different, if I had made different choices. Thinking of the ‘what if I had done this’ scenarios?

A portion of my daily brain activity is also focused on the future. I try to prepare myself for the unknown, and like my thoughts of the past, I run through a gambit of ‘what ifs’ in the future. This activity is more to prepare for possible bad outcomes than good.

These questions I have mentioned in previous posts, so I will not repeat them here. I am trying to catch myself. When I think of the past or worrying about the future ‘what ifs’, I try to realize I am thinking about it. I have realized recently how much time I waste doing this, and how fruitless of an activity this is. A complete waste of energy.

I remember once that the brilliant guitarist, Carlos Santana, said, “Most people are prisoners, thinking only about the future or living in the past. They are not in the present, and the present is where everything begins.” I agree with him, but it is easier said than done. At least for me.

I cannot change my past. I can plan for the future, but cannot predict it or even change it. It will happen as it is planned to. Whether you want to call it fate, or God’s plan, my future and your future will play out as it is supposed to. Maybe not how you want it to, but how it is supposed to.

I plan to do research on this topic. Including talking to Dr. Erin and Mark about how to live in the present. It will not be easy for me. I will probably always struggle with it. My goal has always been to find mental peace. I have told my wife and friends that I really don’t see myself relaxing, or having mental peace until after I die. I can, however, try to learn to let go of the past, plan but not stress on the future, and hopefully spend more time in the here and now.

If you have any tips or suggestions on how to do this, please let me know.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)