Skip to main content

Kota

Photo by: Tim Bindner
10.16.11 – 3.11.22

It is with a heavy and shattered heart that I write this post this morning. One of my best friends is leaving this world today. Another victim of cancer.

In 2012, Marcie and I made a 2+ hour drive to Cox Creek Kentucky to pick up a friend and actual step brother (separated by 4 years) for our dog, Copper. We had a few choices of Australian Shepherds puppies, but Marcie saw the chubby brown ball of fur that soon was on her lap in the car and whining the ENTIRE trip home. We had now added Kota to the family.

Copper didn’t know what this little thing was at first, but soon tolerated him and then learned to love him. Gavin was 8 years old and now had a little furry play toy. Both Copper and Kota followed Gavin everywhere he went. We could look outside our home window and could see Copper facing whichever direction, and we knew that was where Gavin was. Aussies are herders and they herded Gavin.

Over many years, our love for both dogs drew deeper. Losing Copper in 2018 devastated us, and now we have to go through that pain again today. The only solace we had in 2018 was that we came home from the VET that day. We came home to see Kota. Today we will come home to an empty home.

We have vowed to no longer own a pet after today. The heartbreak is too much. My world will be rocked to its core today. I have shed so many tears the last three days I am wondering where they are coming from. We are waiting for the VET to open so we can get in to do this horrible yet necessary task.

Kota has been sick since Tuesday March 9th (today is Friday the 11th). He has not eaten but kept some water down. A visit to the VET the other day was diagnosed as a stomach bug. Through God’s intervention, a woman was placed in Marcie’s life (mother of a swim team kid) who was a diagnostic VET. Yesterday she called to check on Kota after seeing us in the office. She does mobile ultrasounds as her business and is not part of the VET clinic we took him to. She offered to come over to our house and do an ultrasound on Kota. Soon we got the news that Kota had cancer in his stomach and the main two options were pain meds “that will only prolong the inevitable for a short time” or what I feared was to put him down.

We called Gavin, and he came by last night to say goodbye to Kota. He sat on the floor and stroked Kota over and over while he fell asleep. Kota would wake up and just stare at me with his ears down, and those big brown eyes cutting into my soul. His eyes locked with mine for a few minutes. He did the same to Gavin and Marcie. Just staring at us. This broke my heart. Was he saying goodbye? Was he telling us something? We will never know, but that look is burned into my memory.

As I wipe away tears thinking of the unconditional love this dog had for all of us, and the pure joy he brought to our family that can never be replaced. Like Copper, Dakota, Prince, Princess, Duchess and Duke before him, I had the best dogs I could ever ask for.

I am both mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. This will be a rough day for me, Marcie, and Gavin. After 3 restless nights, much of which Marcie and I spent on the floor next to Kota, the day sends him to Heaven where I hope Copper is there to greet him. Along with my other pets, he never met.

I know he will no longer be suffering, but we will. As the hours count down, waiting for the VET to open/call us, all I can do is love on him and run through 10 years of memories.

Later today, all I will have is memories. Remember, time is short. Don’t waste it and tell those you love, that you love them.

Kota was born October 16, 2011 and died March 11, 2022.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Love to get your feedback on what you read!

Popular posts from this blog

A gift from a friend

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography Recently I received a gift from a friend.  It was unexpected but it meant so much.  A simple gesture, an act of kindness, a show of love and friendship. I met Miranda via Instagram based on a recommendation from my buddy Mark.  Like most things, he recommends I seriously consider and highly respect his suggestions.  This was true to form.  I began following Miranda on Instagram, Facebook and even viewing her website.  I stuck up a few online conversations and got the nerve to ask her for an interview.  I wrote about that here . Eventually, text and online correspondence led to a few phone calls.  I admired her work and even discussed creating a book of my own and she admitted wanting to do one as well.  Specifically, I saw two pictures that I loved.  My passion for nature, especially trees is well known.  When I saw this photo (single tree) I was floored.  I even asked her if I could buy a copy.  Nothing really came of that.  I then saw another photo ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Over Think?

Photo by: Mark Wilcoxson Last Friday I met with my Psychologist and as usual we had a great conversation about what things were troubling me as well as the things that were going great. One such topic I plan to discuss here. After a very emotional week for me, I discussed the three main impacts this past week held for me. While discussing the details with her, I mentioned two specific conversations I had recently. I was told by some “friends” that I am an over thinker. During our conversation, I provided the detail and the label I was given. She disagreed with that statement and diagnosis. As she described it (or I interpreted it) an over thinker is someone who harbors on a subject to where it affects them so much that it debilitates them. They will focus on a particular subject or issue and that exercise will affect other areas of their life. They may change their behavior, actions or lives because of it. She said if anything I ruminate. The definition of ruminate is ‘think deeply abo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Martin-Hogan-Long Cemetery

Photo by: Tim Bindner Today’s journey was to a seldom visited cemetery call Martin-Hogan-Long Cemetery (N38°06.621 W86°14.238). It is in Harrison-Crawford State Forest, but by the looks of the road to get there, few have traveled this way, or at least not traveled there in a long while. The bright sun made the 30° temperature feel warmer than it was. Something I would soon discover upon entering the thicker part of the forest ahead. Today’s hike was one mile one way, and I had a friend named Amanda join me upon this adventure. After grabbing our gear, we scurried around the locked gate at the end of a gravel road. By crossing the gate, we moved from a public road to the State Forest property. I was armed with a GPS and printed map showing “ overgrown, barely discernable fire lanes ” as given to me by my contact, a local Indiana DNR–Division of Forestry Resource Specialist. Amanda and I made our way downhill on the fire lane that quickly changed pitch and had us g...
Post a Comment
Read more