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Kota

Photo by: Tim Bindner
10.16.11 – 3.11.22

It is with a heavy and shattered heart that I write this post this morning. One of my best friends is leaving this world today. Another victim of cancer.

In 2012, Marcie and I made a 2+ hour drive to Cox Creek Kentucky to pick up a friend and actual step brother (separated by 4 years) for our dog, Copper. We had a few choices of Australian Shepherds puppies, but Marcie saw the chubby brown ball of fur that soon was on her lap in the car and whining the ENTIRE trip home. We had now added Kota to the family.

Copper didn’t know what this little thing was at first, but soon tolerated him and then learned to love him. Gavin was 8 years old and now had a little furry play toy. Both Copper and Kota followed Gavin everywhere he went. We could look outside our home window and could see Copper facing whichever direction, and we knew that was where Gavin was. Aussies are herders and they herded Gavin.

Over many years, our love for both dogs drew deeper. Losing Copper in 2018 devastated us, and now we have to go through that pain again today. The only solace we had in 2018 was that we came home from the VET that day. We came home to see Kota. Today we will come home to an empty home.

We have vowed to no longer own a pet after today. The heartbreak is too much. My world will be rocked to its core today. I have shed so many tears the last three days I am wondering where they are coming from. We are waiting for the VET to open so we can get in to do this horrible yet necessary task.

Kota has been sick since Tuesday March 9th (today is Friday the 11th). He has not eaten but kept some water down. A visit to the VET the other day was diagnosed as a stomach bug. Through God’s intervention, a woman was placed in Marcie’s life (mother of a swim team kid) who was a diagnostic VET. Yesterday she called to check on Kota after seeing us in the office. She does mobile ultrasounds as her business and is not part of the VET clinic we took him to. She offered to come over to our house and do an ultrasound on Kota. Soon we got the news that Kota had cancer in his stomach and the main two options were pain meds “that will only prolong the inevitable for a short time” or what I feared was to put him down.

We called Gavin, and he came by last night to say goodbye to Kota. He sat on the floor and stroked Kota over and over while he fell asleep. Kota would wake up and just stare at me with his ears down, and those big brown eyes cutting into my soul. His eyes locked with mine for a few minutes. He did the same to Gavin and Marcie. Just staring at us. This broke my heart. Was he saying goodbye? Was he telling us something? We will never know, but that look is burned into my memory.

As I wipe away tears thinking of the unconditional love this dog had for all of us, and the pure joy he brought to our family that can never be replaced. Like Copper, Dakota, Prince, Princess, Duchess and Duke before him, I had the best dogs I could ever ask for.

I am both mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. This will be a rough day for me, Marcie, and Gavin. After 3 restless nights, much of which Marcie and I spent on the floor next to Kota, the day sends him to Heaven where I hope Copper is there to greet him. Along with my other pets, he never met.

I know he will no longer be suffering, but we will. As the hours count down, waiting for the VET to open/call us, all I can do is love on him and run through 10 years of memories.

Later today, all I will have is memories. Remember, time is short. Don’t waste it and tell those you love, that you love them.

Kota was born October 16, 2011 and died March 11, 2022.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)

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