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Journaling

Photo by: Tim Bindner
10.16.11 – 3.11.22

After the advice of my Psychologists on March 4th visit, I tried something I have never really done in order to advance my mental health. Journaling.

March 5th I began my daily journal. As a person who asks tons of questions and wants to understand the rules of whatever I am doing or need to do, I asked Dr. Erin about journaling.

I asked, what do I write? How much do I write? How often do I write? Her response “there are no rules. Just write what you want, when you want.” I continued with what style do I write in? What kind of notebook do I need? She responded, “Tim, there are no rules. It is your journal. Write what you want.”

With the uneasiness of a blank sheet of paper staring back at me, I wrote. I worried not about grammar, or spelling, but tried to let the random thoughts flow onto the paper. I have made a point of writing at least something daily.

One problem I have is my mind is so much faster than my handwriting or typing. Journaling and blogging when I re-read what I wrote and see I have missed words, or repeated words as I am trying to process, and write with an active brain. Those of you who say I am a talented writer. Thank God for spell check. You read and edited version of my thoughts.

I recently created a custom journal on a website called BLURB. The 6×9 inch notebook, which I customized with Kota’s picture above, on the cover and random symbols, sketches, and drawings I found online within the journal. I randomly added the drawings on every other page to provide a sense structure and not just blank pages.

The journal arrived yesterday and I spend part of today transferring my daily journal from its original notebook to the new one. Reliving the emotions I felt prior to, during and after Kota’s death was heart wrenching.

I believe this has helped me mentally, but because I am still struggling with Kota’s death and also am at the end of a 5 day stomach bug, I cannot give it a fair assessment. I enjoyed creating a custom journal, and as it was cheaper than buying a blank one, I will probably continue this process going forward.

There is no proper plan for these journals other than to easy my mind. I will not share these with anyone other than maybe Erin or Marcie if they want to read them. I am not sure if my writing within these journals would even make sense to anyone but me. As I mentioned, I write based on my feelings and thoughts for today, with no actual structure or purpose other than to get it out of my head.

For those with active minds like mine. Please consider doing a daily journal yourself. I use bullet points and my longest has been about 6 points, with some only being 3. If you start, remember NO RULES, just write what you feel. I have only set one rule for myself. To write daily.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)

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