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Part 2 - Cancer

On Tuesday of this week I went to visit my new doctor (well nurse practitioner), as my previous doctor took a new role as CEO of our local hospital.

I arrived, waited, was taken to the examination room, waited again, and then she arrived. We went over recent lab work and her serious concerns and recommendation for further tests and additional medication.

I will not go into specifics about what was discussed, but the news was not great and of course only added to the pressure and anxiety I was feeling from my last post. As mentioned in my last post, I do NOT want pity.

I returned home, finished my workday, then received a text from a different friend I have known all my life. I have known this person all my life, and she had read my blogs recently. She had texted me to tell me she had just finished this one and that it provided her clear insight into my state of mind and who I was. I asked her if we could talk later that evening. We did.

She called, we exchanged pleasantries, asked how each other was doing, then she let me know she was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer. Her mom had the same thing, and she died from it. Immediately, I began running through all the outcomes in my mind as I listened to her talk. With anyone who is close to me, I take on their problems and pain. I did this for my friend. This one I cannot fix.

We talked through her Chemo treatments, what things she has done since being diagnosed and how our lifelong friendship has recently become stronger. She expressed the doctor’s positive affirmation that “this is very curable” but many thoughts of her mortality as well as selfishly my mortality entered my mind (especially based on what I heard earlier that morning).

We continued to chat for some time, then ended the call. The conversation didn’t end for me. I was now juggling three issues that were weighing on my heart. Stay tuned in the next post for what happened Thursday.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)

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