Skip to main content

Part 1 - Substance Abuse

This week has been very challenging for me. I am not writing this to receive pity. In fact, I actually hate pity. It is more of an exercise to process what is going on and how my brain deals with it.

Over the weekend, I had lunch with a dear and lifelong friend. We shared some positive conversation, but much of it dealt with his current mood and situation. He is currently dealing with a daughter and wife who are battling substance abuse (both deny it) and he has a close family member who died when he was in his twenties of the same substance abuse.

I watched him and listened to him and saw the pain in his eyes. If this had been 5 or more years ago, I would have jumped in and gave him advice, but I have learned not to do that anymore. Nothing he has done but what have others have done with my advice in the past.

As he is telling me his situation, my brain runs through all the scenarios I think he is going through and begins solving them in my mind. I don’t share this with him, but in fact take the problem on myself as if it was happening to me.

We finished our lunch, shared a hug and “love you bud” and off I went. I came home later and received a text from him that reads in part “I always knew in my heart that no matter what, if I needed you would be there for me.” He pointed out, “I always have known you are a true friend that loves me unconditionally.”

The rest of the text is private but weighed heavy on my heart.

Stay tuned for the next two things that also impacted me this week in the next two posts.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Leave

  I’m not okay. This week has been stressful. So much, in fact, I had to take a medical leave from Humana. It began today and will last through most of March. Though I am relieved somewhat, I still am fighting some of those internal demons that constantly haunt me. During my last visit with the doctor Erin, she knew immediately, without a word, that something was wrong. She noticed, and we discussed these stressors on several visits prior to my last one. It is not uncommon for me to face challenges and feel emotionally unsettled. I haven’t been okay for a while. Every morning, I am greeted with a racing heart and a wave of panic and anxiety as soon as I wake up. I feel as though my heart is a runaway train, racing uncontrollably and leaving me uncertain of its eventual destination. Whether it’s anxiety, fear, overwhelm, burnout, depression, ADHD, or simply the fast-paced world we live in today, my mind reached its breaking point. Overcoming and shaking off this feeling is like

Living with Unwanted Flashbacks

  We all have that dusty attic in our minds, where echoes of forgotten and moments of fleeting images gather. But for some of us, like me, that attic door swings open uninvited. Flooding my present with unwanted guests: flashbacks. These unwanted visitors aren’t here for tea and biscuits. Nor simply to say hello and wish me good will. They are here to replay scenes I desperately want to erase. ‘ I hate getting flashbacks from things I don’t want to remember ’ is a statement that carries the weight of unspoken stories. A statement for me that shares stories of trauma, loss, fear, and pain disguised as fleeting sensations. Those vivid emotions and intrusive thoughts that flow uncontrollably into my brain. Often like a raging river, but other times like a dripping faucet. It can be the sudden smell of rain triggering a childhood storm, a car backfiring, echoing a violent argument or harsh criticism from a parent, or a familiar song transporting you back to a moment of heartbreak. Liv

End

I don't worry about the world ending.  It has ended for me many times and always started the next morning. Until next time  Tim