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I put my heart where it don't belong.

Photo by: Tim Bindner

Growing up Christian and specifically Catholic, I was taught to help others in any way I can. Recently, two different interactions with ‘friends’ have shown me that the way I was raised and taught is not appreciated.

The first interaction began with someone asking for the number of a roofer I recently used. I gladly provided it. As the interaction continued, they asked about the landscaping guy we recently used. I was texting him about an estimate for my yard as this exchange happened. I told them who that person was and to let them know I was sending them to him. In the meantime, the landscaper was texting me about a time to come bid for a job I wanted at my house. The person told me that was who they used for a different project and were familiar with him, so there would likely be no referral. I mentioned I was texting him and then this is where things went south. The assumption was made that I was letting him know they wanted a bid, and secondly that I felt my friend was too incompetent to do that themselves. After some back and forth, I explained I was getting a bid for me, not them, and that their assumption of me thinking they were incompetent never even crossed my mind. Remember this interaction started with them asking me for something.

Another person I interacted with recently was asking about my retirement plan. I told them what date I had planned to retire and how I was preparing for that financially. The conversation turned to life insurance and what preparation they had for their kid. They told me they had life insurance through work, and no real other plan at the moment due to “coming out of a dark place”. I told them I was glad they had life insurance, but let them know that if they left the company, that policy would be voided. I then got a snappy rebuttal from them (I know that, thank you!). Yet another example of someone asking a question and leading to a rough conversation.

Society, the media, and social media have turned helpers like me into recipients of negativity and anger. A song lyric by Adele reminded me of these types of conversations I seem to get drawn into. “I had good intentions and the highest hopes. But I know right now that probably doesn’t even show.”

I was raised to help people and to share my knowledge and experience to help others. I have never claimed to be right, just know what I have experienced. As John Mayer once said, “No matter how you work it. Things go wrong. I put my heart where it don’t belong.”

Eventually I hope I learn my lesson, but for now I will take a step back, not give advice, even when asked and let the waters calm. Friendships are supposed to be joyful and full of love. Most times, I must defend myself and walk on eggshells around certain people. Never knowing what reaction I will get. I can only tell those who come to me for advice. There may come a time when I may not bother you at all.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)

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