Do you know me?

Recently I had a conversation with someone, or tried to, about the subject I am about to write about. They adamantly disagreed with the truth I am about to tell you, or possibly didn’t understand the truth behind the topic. I was going to let it go, but another friend randomly posted about this on Facebook the other day, so I wrote about it.

The following statement is absolutely true. The way you see yourself is always different from the way others see you. I am not talking physically, but you as a person. Every person you meet and see, you create an image for them. If it someone you first meet, or someone you interact with at a store, or even pass on the street, you (and I) create a version of that person in our mind. Mostly it is subconscious, but it happens.

Who you think, or know you are, only exists for you. Your spouse/significant other, sibling, mother/father, neighbor, best friend, person at the grocery store you talk to for a moment, mechanic, boss, coworker, etc. all have their version of you. Their ‘you’ may share some similarities to your version of you, but mostly is way different and NEVER exactly the same.

You know yourself the most, both consciously and sub-consciously. Others only see what you let them see, whether it is your true self or the ‘you’, you want to portray to them or the world.

You will never know through what eyes that others see you. Their perceptions about you may change with the information they have on you, but you are the best judge of yourself. We all know ourselves the best and cannot see yourself the way others see us, even if we tried to. We are all uniquely made based on our own experiences, thoughts, ethics, spirituality, dreams, and desires. Why aren’t twins exactly alike? They are twins, but even if they are very similar, they are different, and perceived as different both by themselves and others.

Because others have not experienced what I have (or you have) and do not live inside our body, they cannot see me (or you) the way we see ourselves. Have you ever heard someone say to you “I never expected you to do/say/act like that”? If they knew ‘you’ then they would not be surprised by whatever you did or said.

There is an old riddle. A boy and girl fell through a hole in the ground and ended up on a deserted floor with nothing around but a sink. The girl had dirt all over her face, but somehow the boy had none on his. Within a few seconds after looking at each other, the boy got up, went to the sink, and began washing his clean face. The girl didn’t go to the sink. Why?

Since there was no mirror, the boy sees the girl’s dirty face and assumes his is also dirty, so he goes and washes it. Conversely, the girl sees the boy’s clean face and does nothing of her own. They both created their own version of the other based on appearance. But the riddle teaches us this about physical appearance but also is true for how we perceive others as people we know.

Assume nothing about people you think you know. We often read, “You never know what types of things people are going through”, and like life experiences each of us have, we each have our own unique experiences that made us who we are. Never assume you truly know someone, but LISTEN and try to understand them, so you see them possibly a little different from you thought.

My neighbor has told me often “I know how you think”, and others have told me “I know how you are”, but do they? Do they think they know me because of what I show them, or am I completely different. I try to be as honest as I can, and wear my heart on my sleeve, but every person I have met has their version of me, and none matches what I perceive as me. The same goes for you. I think the old saying “Walk a mile in someone’s shoes” would solve so many problems and assumptions that each of us make daily. I wish that was possible.

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)