Why?

Photo by: Tim Bindner

Why? A simple question, but with a complex answer. It leads to more questions. It makes you assume things if asked with no context. Three brief letters and a question mark. Why?

I had a conversation with a friend recently upon which she was questioning me about things going on in my life. I explained I write this blog to gain insight into who I am. I don’t reveal everything in my life, but what I feel I need to get out. Off my chest, if you will.

I told her I like to push people to think. I have never claimed to know any of the answers, heck actually I am mostly wrong, probably, but what irks me is when people rely or others for their thoughts, goals, morals, standards, or decisions without researching, questioning and thinking on their own, before reaching their own conclusion.

Society, the media, movies, television, advertisements and even social media drive the herd mentality that ultimately lead the masses to whatever conclusion intended. These are just some influencers that shape us.

I began with why? When I was in college, I took a Philosophy class. This shaped my thinking more than I realized. I love questions with possibly no answers. I love questions that make me think. I love questions that are not simple.

During this class I struggled, but I enjoyed it. I had a B average going into the final exam. I was told by the professor “bring a blank notebook (which would be turned in), something to write with (he suggested two things in case one failed), and something to drink”. He continued, “You will have 90 minutes to complete the exam, then turn it in. You will have your grade by Friday (the exam was on Monday”. As for review he said, “All you need is your brain and logic”.

I showed up a few minutes before the exam start time, grabbed a desk, sat down, go out my notebook and two pens. I pulled out a water bottle full of water and waited.

The professor walked in, sat at his desk, surveyed the room, looked at his watch and waited. At exactly 10:00am he stood up, walked over to the door, shut it and locked it. He surveyed the room again and said, “thank you for showing up on time. If you bomb this exam, you still get some credit for showing up. Anyone who arrives after now gets a zero no matter what the excuse is.”

He walked to the chalkboard. There was a poster board taped to it. He explained, “The exam comprises one question. I will reveal it in just a second. No questions after I reveal it, no clarifications. Read the question, answer it in your book, write your name on the book and turn it in when finished. You have 90 minutes starting NOW.” He looked at his watch and pulled the poster off the chalkboard.

This class taught me to think. We had questions throughout the semester like What is an argument?, Are minds distinct from bodies?, Does every event have a cause?, What is the nature of morality?, How do you validate an argument?, Aquinas believes?, and What is a conclusion? Now I was about to face my final exam question. As mentioned, I had a solid B average so this final grade could elevate or lower my grade depending on the score.

As the poster board lowered, the question was revealed. As you guessed, it was one word. WHY? Why? That’s not a question, I thought? Well, it is, but why what? As he stated, no questions and no clarifications. I felt I could answer almost any question (or at least try) if there was context, but why had me stumped.

I sat there for a moment. My head spinning, I looked around. Everyone had their heads down, writing frantically, and I sat there in a daze. I looked at the professor. He looked back with a slight grin and nodded towards my desk. I looked down at my blank notebook and started sweating. I thought what the hell everyone is writing about. You CANNOT answer the question of WHY without some context.

I wrote something, then scratched it out. Did it again. Then again. I sat there for about 20 minutes thinking if I fail this I can still squeak by with a C depending on the credit allowed for showing up. I looked up again; he was still looking at me, smiling. I wrote my answer, closed my notebook, gathered my things and turned it in and left.

The four days between Monday and Friday were agonizing. I made the assumption on how my grade would appear. I prepared myself for it. A C was not what I wanted, but it was passing and ultimately I learned things throughout the semester that helped me think. I was justifying it in every way I could.

Friday arrived. In 1991 there were no cell phones, barely a few computers, so getting your grades comprised two ways. You waited for the mail or you went to the professor’s office and saw a list of grades hung up. They were listed by a pin number, so you only knew yours and not what everyone else’s grade. I went to the office.

As I walked to his office, I again was justifying my reasons for my poor grade. I reached the 2^nd floor, walked down the hall, opened the door and saw the paper hanging there. I was alone and as I inched closer, the numbers and grades came in focus. There were over 30 people in the class, so I began scanning down the pin numbers until I reached mine. I scanned to the right and saw my grade. I looked again. I checked the number and lined it up with my pen to ensure I was reading it right. A+. I got an A+. Checked it again. A+.

I peered around the corner and saw the light on in the professor’s office. I walked down the hall and lightly knocked on his door. He said “come in.” “Ah, Mr. Bindner. How was your week?” I said, “sir, how, what, I don’t understand. A+?” He grinned. The same grin I saw during the exam. He said, “I have asked this same question in many of my classes over the years. I have received books from students yammering on with answers. Many students have gone into great detail trying to answer the question of ‘why’ but rarely do students even come close to an answer. This exercise is about getting you to think as students and you nailed it.” He continued, “I noticed as soon as I removed the poster, all the heads dropped in class but one. Yours.” He handed me the notebook, opened it to the first page in big red letters I saw ‘A+ brilliant answer Tim.’

I walked out of his office with mostly opposite feelings from when I had arrived. Proud, clarity or thought, and a confidence I had not achieved in a long time. My head held high as I slowly closed that notebook. I had written ‘Why?’ at the top of the first page and underneath that, what got me an A+ was ‘Why not?’

Until next time,

Tim (Kilmer)