Skip to main content

I am validated

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography (https://www.instagram.com/timothybme/)

Recently I read a quote from one of my favorite musicians, Chris Cornell.  He told his daughter Lily Cornell once, who also battles anxiety, “Stupid people don’t have anxiety. The fact that you’re worrying about what the outcome is going to be and thinking what every possible option could be and worrying about all the ways that things could go wrong, it’s because you’re very smart and because your brain works really fast. And even though it sucks, and it can feel like a total burden, you’ll harness it and you’ll figure out how to use it in ways that are helpful to you and others.”  This quote hit me hard.  I spoke to my doctor about this recently and even apologized to her, because she often gave me a similar message, but it was not until I read it did I as feel validated.  I am normal, I am not petty or childish, and I am not stupid.

Most days I still struggle.  Some days I can easily overcome the speed of my brain, other days are more challenging.  The weather has limited my time spent on my coping mechanisms (hiking, blogging, photography and listening to music), which has only added to the daily anxiety I feel.

My friend Mark is back from his vacation, and he motivates me to go out and take pictures.  I didn’t realize how having a buddy with the same interests means so much.  His friendship and willingness to explore only adds to the benefits I have when out with him.

Fall is about 30 days away and again this excites me for the opportunity to shoot colors and get back on the trails.  The oppressive heat, bugs, snakes, ticks and poisonous plants will disappear soon, and that is when this bear will come out of hibernation.

Anxiety sucks.  It often consumes me.  I hope someday I will conquer it.  I yearn for ultimate peace and my mind to rest.  I will leave you with another quote from Chris. “Half alive. Heard the most brilliant lie. Sleep is eyes closed to the light. Death is the mind wide open.”–Chris Cornell.

Until next time,

Tim

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Love to get your feedback on what you read!

Popular posts from this blog

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tested

  Life is a series of tests, pushing us to our limits and forcing us to grow. All blessings originate from a God, yet they manifest through different circumstances, encounters, and individuals. Throughout the past six weeks, I have encountered a myriad of these tests. This is part of the reason I have not written in a while - the constant distractions that have consumed my time and focus. Balancing my mental state and warding off anxiety has consumed my attention, leaving no room to articulate my thoughts through writing. My journey began recently when, with the advice of a medical professional, I began taking Trintellix at its lowest dose of 5mg per day. Gradually I increased to 10mg a day and now am at 20mg a day. During this time, my anxiety has lessened quite a bit, but recent events have put this medication to the test. Our initial challenge was to carefully research vans, searching for ones that would be ideal for safely transporting our furry companions. The cramped spac...
Post a Comment
Read more

Waiting for the End to Come

  I have been in a funk lately. I am adjusting to my anxiety medicine, and I feel it is working, but maybe too well. Last week I met with Dr. Erin. She, of course, asked me how I was feeling and honestly, I told her I was not really feeling anything. We dug deeper, and she explained that my anxiety prior to the medicine was like a roller coaster. I had extreme highs and extreme lows. Now with the medicine it is more of a flatter track. I am not hitting the lows; Like I was before (which is good), but also not hitting the highs either. I feel like I am purely existing. Little desire to do much of anything. It’s true my passions are hiking and photography, which I do little of in the summer because of ticks, heat, and snakes. I know fall is approaching and I hope that helps me get out of this funk somewhat. I will also speak to my psychiatrist about lowering my dosage to see if that helps. Even my writing has been affected. I have not had the desire to write. Music, however, ha...
Post a Comment
Read more