Troy

Troy.  Oh, Troy.   What can I say about my boy, Troy?  It is a complicated relationship at best.  A relationship of positives and negatives like most relationships usually are.

I met Troy a few years ago when I started in a new role at Humana.  My boss was in New Orleans and my team was scattered throughout the United States including Wisconsin, Kansas, Kentucky, South Carolina, and Indiana. No-one was in the Louisville office where I was based on my immediate team.  Our department had only a handful of people working in the office, which is where I met Troy.  He worked in my department but on a different team.

At the time I was a Consultant and Troy was an Analyst.  I had been at Humana 12+ years he had been there maybe 5+ years.  One of the first things I discovered about Troy was he asked questions.  A lot of questions.  I also learned quickly that he did this to learn.  He wanted to learn about people.  How they thought, how they felt, how they acted, who they were, and most importantly why.  I discovered sometime later he did this as a way of comparison.  Not a judgmental thing, but to compare their thoughts/behavior/actions to the way he was, especially those that were different than his way of thinking, acting or behavior.  I learned quickly that every conversation with him would be lengthy and full of many analytical questions.

When we were both in the office we had daily conversations (I did work from home a few days a week).  These began as ‘get to know you’ conversations, learning about our families, hobbies, past work experience and eventually careers.  I learned we had some things in common like passion for music, hiking, and love of photography (I take photographs, he used to do the video for a local television station).  One thing that drew me to him was his passion and drive.  He was enthusiastic about almost everything.

It was not long before Troy was asking about my career.  Being a former Leader at Humana and my experience of working in multiple departments at Humana, I tried to help guide him in his journey.  I also am older and have a bit more life experience than he does, which I gladly share experiences with him.  I felt like an unofficial mentor to Troy. When questioned, I offered suggestions on Humana classes to take, interviewing skills and suggested people I knew in Humana Leadership to reach out to (I have a few friends that are African-American and in high levels of Leadership at Humana that I thought could talk to him about their personal experiences).  We also had long talks where I provided my career path, what I learned along the way, and what I did to get where I was.

Our friendship expanded outside the office.  I brought Troy into the fold of my family, inviting him to play paintball, go on hikes and sometimes we went to lunch and dinner.  I gave him advice on my experience as a father and husband. We discussed budgets, home buying process, and relationship advice when he was going through a rocky relationship.

Troy was one of the biggest proponents and cheerleader for my photography and the start of my blog.  He was constantly praising my photographs and excited about my blog.  He read the blog posts religiously and provided constant feedback.  I always appreciated that and listened intently to his critiques.

Fast-forward a year or so later and things in our relationship have dramatically changed.  Troy has been promoted at work and has his sights set on loftier career goals.  He no longer inquires or views my pictures or reads my blogs, and correspondence with him is very limited almost always initiated by me via work instant message.

I have learned that though he was always listening to the advice I was giving him all along, I feel he was not “hearing” it.  He mostly did what he originally intended every time, often contrary to the advice I was given after being asked.  Remember my pet peeve?  If you don’t want my advice, going to argue with it, or don’t seriously consider it, don’t ask.

I also question why one of my biggest cheerleader (for my blog and pictures) no longer show interest?  He said he is busy at work.  My blogs are not long and not complicated.  I just think he has moved on and as he has told me “my priorities have changed”. I am not one of them.  This aspect feeds into the loss I expressed a few posts back (Fear and Loss).

Troy seems to have moved on from our relationship.  Like others in my life, this makes me sad, but I understand that is his choice.  I invested a lot of time with him and he in me, gave him the best, honest, advice I could, and in a small way helped him reach another career stepping stone. Apart from me feels used and cast aside.  I can hear him say “don’t worry about it.  You are reading too much into it.”, but I cannot help the way I feel or how my past experiences have shaped me to thinks this way.

I am glad I got to know Troy and who knows what the future holds for our relationship.  I do thank him for pushing me to follow my passions of photography, hiking, and blogging.  As Prince once said “Dearly beloved.  We are gathered here to get through this thing called life.  Electric word life, that means forever and that’s a mighty long time.”  For Troy, that mighty long time might be over, or just taking a break, yet only he knows his intent.  My forever will live in my pictures, my memories, these words in my blog posts and my experiences on the trail.

Until next time

Tim