Christmas and beyond.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

It has been a year since I started blogging.  The journey has been one of self-discovery and I am glad many have come along for the ride.   I can’t wait to see what next year brings.

These past few days have been a test for my anxiety.  First was making through the Christmas holiday.   My mother, sister and I do not have the closest relationship.  The love is there, but we are in no way close.  Then there is the fact that my father died on December 17^th, 2007, so close to Christmas.  It will never be a true time of joy for me.

Next, we spent time with my wife’s family.  Like mine, the love is there, but deep inside I feel uneasy being amongst their family gatherings.  It is nothing against them or my family, it is more me.  I always look at people in my family and hers the same way.  Would I choose them as friends and want to willingly be around them by choice.  In most cases that is no.  But I chose to make these gathers the best I could for the short time I was there.

As you are reading this you are aware I made my first website.  Like my photography, I will likely never be satisfied with the final design and will keep tinkering with it.  My site consists of my blogs (which are password protected) to protect the innocent, a random sample of my photos, and even photos for sale.  Like my blog, I am putting myself out there and it is a bit stressful.

I have gone on two photo walks with my friend Mark, Chris and Darci.  I got some good shots, but more importantly enjoyed the companionship and similar interests that result from these walks.  We all admit we do not shoot as much as we would going alone, but all agree we see so many more things as a group.  I plan to do these more often in 2019.

Thursday I met for a late breakfast with my friend Michael.  We met at a local hole in the wall restaurant that has great food.  Michael and I spoke about his life after retirement, my blog, his family Christmas (very similar to mine feeling wise), and about nature and hiking.  He later even shared an article that proved what I have discovered on my own.  The hike does clear the head.  Hiking can change our brains.  It is a very interesting article indeed.

Today I headed out on a hike alone.  I chose not to bring my camera due to the rain, but instead relaxed and focused on nature around me.  Bertrand Russell once wrote “Peace, quiet, and boredom don’t have to be seen as negative things. They provide perfect conditions for being happy.”  I could not agree more.

I left my car in the parking lot and made my way toward the lake in the distance.  A low hanging fog partly covered the lake and the clouds obstructed the sun’s rays.  As I descended the path a light rain began to fall.  I was glad I didn’t have to fumble with my camera.  The droplets hit my shoulders, arms, and hands.  I wore a hat that protected my glasses.  Nothing worse than walking and not being able to see clearly.  As I reached the lake and headed down the thin path, the rain hypnotized me.   The clouds above gave their rain to the trees and leaves below, while the path and pond became alive with more splashes than my eyes could appreciate.  It was such a soothing, natural, melodic sound that only Mother Nature could provide.  I felt each drop touch my skin and the comfort sent a slight shiver down my spine.  As I made my way toward the other side of the lake and eventually across the wooden bridge the rain let up and the sweet smell of decaying leaves (yes it is sweet to me), filled the air.  As I envisioned a front passing by the rain all but stopped and was soon replaced by the wind.  There is not a sweeter and yet more terrifying sound than the winds blowing through mammoth 100-foot trees above your head.  The eerie creaking, gentle rustling of leaves and what can only be described as a train overhead added to the ambiance of the day.  The sloshing of my boots in the mud, and pounding in my chest all provided a rhythm to nature’s melodies.

The woods have transformed revealing many shades of brown.  There are the contrasting light birch trees, dark wet oak, and maple trees, and then the variety of leaves that cover shades from an almost white to a deep rich brown, with a few remaining deep reds and oranges mixed in.  As most of the trees are now bare the landscape has a different feel, one that I truly love.  I equate these trees like the people I meet.  These are the true essence of the tree, not covered by leaves or metaphoric masks that people show.  The trees have nothing to hide, and to me show their true beauty.  I wish it was that easy for people.

I moved on and alone through the woods.  The only sounds other than the ones I was making were the occasional squirrels who were bouncing around gathering nuts.  I was just one more nut out there amongst them.  I began to notice that the wind had stopped, and a silence fell in the woods.  I took this opportunity to stop and soak it in.  Normally I would be looking for a shot to take but today I decided to sit.  As I sat there a group of four deer came running in my direction and were spooked by something.  I sat quietly and didn’t move.  As they approached I noticed it was a mom and three babies.  They continued heading my direction, unaware of my presence.  They got within 20-25 feet I’d say then froze.  Not sure if they saw me or smelled my but their heads moved up and down trying to get a bead on the thing in an Indiana shirt, and dark pants.  We all stayed motionless for about 2-3 minutes, then I finally gave up and stood, which immediately caused them to scamper off.  It was a moment of peace in nature that brought pure joy to me.

I finished my hike today covering about 4 miles.  In the end, I felt the days activates in my legs and lower back, but for me, it was worth every moment.  My goal in 2019 is to get out as much as I can and hike before the heat and bugs return.  In this fast-food culture, I have found my solace.  “Peace, quiet, and boredom don’t have to be seen as negative things. They provide perfect conditions for being happy.”

Until next time,

Tim