Mindfulness.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

Since my last post, there has been a lot of change in my life.  Through it, I can test not only my new medicine but my will.

Recently my wife lost her job due to budget cuts and was given 60 days to find another role.  Gladly she has done so.  The thought of losing 50% of our income was a frightening aspect, but for now, it will not happen.

This past weekend my wife and I shared some time that I truly enjoyed.  First, we had pizza night on Friday (a weekly occurrence).  Sometimes we are with others, but this week we were alone.  Saturday we attended a bonfire at a local winery.  This time we were not alone.  Being outdoors before sunset and after, listening to music and smelling the fire was very peaceful and relaxing.  Sunday started with a long hike at O’Bannon Woods State Park.  This time it was just Marcie, my friend Kristen and me.

Our adventure began with a long drive down a twisty narrow road called Cold Friday Road.  This road is paved (mostly) but only wide enough for one car.  It also descends the entire way with trees blocking the view on both sides.  I always feel like I am in a different world when traveling down this road.  While traveling a few miles the road crossed a few narrow bridges and the pavement lent itself to a gravel road.  We reached our destination which is a small pull-off that can only hold four cars.  Two spots were already taken.  We ran into these folks later that day.

We unloaded from the car, I grabbed my backpack, camera and gave my wife a hiking pole, and then we crossed the road, a rocky creek and headed uphill toward the Chimney Shelter.  The trail was muddy in spots but very navigable.  The colors were at their peak, with bright yellow, burnt orange, vibrant reds, and some green leaves holding on to their last bit of color.   The wind was calm but still rustled the trees and leaves with a melodic sound that always calms me.  The trail was a steady climb of about 600 feet throughout 2+ miles.  The trek was “not that bad” as pointed out by a younger, better-conditioned person, but for me, my legs felt it.

On the way up we crossed a few dry creeks and eventually reached a much wider and deeper creek.  The water was minimal but the surroundings showed that this creek could and has carried some large amounts of water in the past.  I pointed out a waterfall only feet from where we crossed and Kristen and Marcie explored it a bit taking pictures and stopping for a break.

We continued up the trail until the Chimney Shelter began to appear in the distance.  We were on the Adventure Hiking Trail.  The AHT is a 25-mile loop in and out of the forest with 4-5 primitive shelters along the path.  These are promoted as first come, first serve, so I informed everyone there may be people in this one.  There was not.  We spent some time exploring the area, taking photos and then we were off to our final destination.

The path next to the shelter led downhill to an overlook.  As I had been here before I know the overlook would provide some wonderful views especially with the fall colors.  Today it did.  We reached the cliff and it revealed an 80-100 foot drop overlooking the mighty Ohio River.  Two guys were packing up as they had camped there overnight, and we tried not to bother them.

My recent visit to the counselor I felt was a bit of a breakthrough.  We discussed mindfulness and living in the moment.  My mind has always wandered to other things without truly enjoying the present.  It is something I am more conscious of, and despite the stimulus of hiking, I become more focused and in tune with where I am when hiking.  Mindfulness is an easy concept but for me a hard practice.  Like everything else, it will take practice.  I can’t change yesterday.  Can’t plan tomorrow.  Life is here.  This, no matter what it looks like, is all we got.  Part of this for me is also accepting what I have at the moment.  I was asked by my counselor who I am.  I hope that I come across as genuine.  Maybe not liked by all but that people who know me, know what they get with me.  I don’t define myself by money, don’t validate myself by career titles, social status or what I wear and drive.  I am me.  I fit in with some, but not with most.  I live, I fail, I learn.  Mistakes are more important than getting it right.  Mistakes are supposed to happen.  It all leads to the next right thing.

Sunday I spent time at the moment.  I didn’t think about what I was doing later, didn’t think about what happened yesterday, didn’t waste energy wondering why some didn’t come, no thoughts of bills, work, or anything but where I was and what I was seeing, feeling and smelling.

By this time the air had warmed up to the mid-’50s, the breeze had picked up and I felt I was far away from the chaos of the world.  I soaked it all in.  I was very happy I was able to bring my friend Kristen to a place she had never been, but even more, excited my wife finally joined me on a hike.  Something I love doing more than anything.  We all saw the glory that nature can provide.

The trip back down was even more peaceful to me.  Much of the trek down I was in the back.  I was able to look around more and enjoy the scenery.  As mentioned the wind at times offered a deafening calm throughout the woods.  Peaceful really.  There were moments when not a sound could be heard.  No wind, no rustling of leaves, no cars, nothing.  Eerie yet so calming.

As my life evolves I am working on mindfulness of the moment.  Letting go of heavy anxiety and guilt.  Good or bad, living in the moment and trying to let it go.  A practice that Buddha taught centuries ago.  I am Tim.  I am flawed, I’m far from perfect, but I am happy.  Take me or leave me.   I will continue to be honest and genuine and choose my friends based on the traits I try to portray myself.

Until next time,

Tim