I judge, so do you.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

Please don’t judge me.  I hear that saying all the time.  I feel it is an impossible request.  You judge I judge, we all judge.  We use our eyes, ears, nose, thoughts and beliefs and judge based on what we experience that is different than our own.

This past Saturday I headed out to hike at my favorite hiking spot.  As I headed down the road a little before 8 am I was approaching a car with flashing lights in my path.  There were two cars in front of me.  The slowing drove around the car and then headed on.  I slowly drove around the car looking in to see that the front and side airbags had deployed and I could not see anyone inside the car.  I drove a little bit further and pulled into the first driveway I came to.  I got out of my car and ran back to a vehicle that had the entire front end smashed.  As I was doing so three other cars slowly drove by and continued.

I approached the car from the passenger side and the side airbag slowly lifted from the inside.  A woman said as I could now see her face.  “I am okay, I called the cops already,”  I asked her what happened and she said she hit a deer.  I could see the deer now lying on the other side of the road.  She responded “I love animals but I am thinking of becoming a deer hunter” as she smiled at me.  I asked her if she was okay and she responded that only her thumb hurt.  I offered to stay with her but she said she was fine and thanked me for stopping to check on her.  As I was talking to her another two cars passed and went on their merry way.

As I walked back about 100 feet to my car, got inside and began to drive off, I began to judge.  This anger and disappointment carried with me to the parking lot and through about ¼ of my hike.  Thoughts of why didn’t people care enough to stop (remember you could not see inside the car), what if this had happened to my son or wife, would anyone care enough to stop, why do people not want to get involved or be bothered with basic human compassion?  Would you have stopped?  When I stopped an ran to the car, I was unsure if there was someone hurt, dead or in this case slightly sore but otherwise okay in the car.  I ran to check out of compassion for another person, not for praise or glory, but to help someone who didn’t need it.  So yea I judged those I saw who didn’t.

I spent, as mentioned, an early point of my hike calming down and trying to justify why people don’t care anymore.  I couldn’t, but the woods diffused my feelings.  The current state of our society fuels more hate, distrust, and blame, than it does care, compassion and love for each other.  I am in no way immune to this, but as mentioned above I have a bit more compassion than at least 5 other cars this day.

I had another experience recently that again did not stick with me for long, but did aggravate me at the moment.  I handled it with my typical sarcasm.

I was entering the local food mart and saw a woman walking toward the door to exit.  As I do a majority of the time I opened the door for her, stepped aside, and allowed her to exit.  As she passed by me nothing was said.  While she was still in earshot I said “You’re welcome” which was responded to with a disgruntled look.  I proceeded to follow that up with “have a nice day”.  Another person was walking out at that moment and I was still holding the door.  He responded, “thank you”.  Common courtesy is something that is also lost in our society.   If I had to guess I’d say 95%+ of the people I do this for, say thanks or thank you.  Rarely do I not get a response.  If I don’t get a response I generally let it go, but not today.  And yes I judged her as well.

At my recent visit to my therapist, she asked me when I revealed this experience if I only notice the bad things.  I told her that as a photographer I tend to notice and pick up on everything.  I notice the good and the bad but tend to get aggravated on situations where the actions/message/or result is different than how I would handle it.  Especially if it was negatively.  Buddha teaches us to live in the moment and then let it go.  Good, bad, sad, happy, relaxed, stressed.  Live in that moment and let it go once it is over.  It is something I am trying to do, but it is something I have much work to do on.

I mentioned to the therapist that I could likely do an experiment where I walk down the street carrying too many items or dropping papers, and I bet most people would walk on without offering to help.  She said you might be right but focus on your actions and not others.  Devote your energies to you not them.  I guess I was raised differently.  I don’t do this for recognition or praise, but trying to be a decent human being.

I will continue to use ‘ma’am and sir’ out of respect.  I will offer help when I see fit.  I will open doors for people.  I will wave at people when I drive in my town (it’s a country thing).  I will let people go first at a 4-way stop and merge in front of me.  I will get aggravated when I see others not doing this, but I am trying to live in the moment and then let it go.  Judge me if you like, because I am judging also. #dont judge me

Until next time,

Tim