Affirmation vs. information.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

This week I question why you are right and everyone else is wrong.  Why my opinion is the only one that matters.

In this day and age, we live in a society of affirmation, not information.  We justify everything we feel by affirming what we feel or believe without researching the information to see if we are right.  I recently had a conversation with someone who claims to ask for help and/or advice but regardless of what I say this person always does what they want anyway.  This is a pet peeve of mine.  If you don’t want an answer to a question you are going to ask me, or better yet argue with my answer, don’t ask.

This person I am referencing is not alone.  Most people these days are like that.  I am guilty of myself.  If I watch the news, I find the channel that will justify my political beliefs, moral beliefs, beliefs in religion, sports, heck even my camera gear.  If I believe in anything I can find some way to affirm it.  What society lacks is the information to back up these areas.  The news no longer fact checks, as we as people don’t fact check ourselves.   What I believed growing up is no longer the same, so why should I stick with anything without questioning the information behind it?  For example, I grew up Catholic, followed all the ‘rules’ of a good Catholic without question.  As I have grown older, and I hope wiser, I question the Catholic faith.  I still believe in God (actually have a stronger bond), but feel my faith and devotion no longer fits in the box of the Catholic religion.

I am learning to question.  I am also learning to seek out the information to not affirm my belief but to verify what I still know is factually correct.  I have never been what I consider a sheep, doing what the flock does, but I have given in on concessions to satisfy others.  I am now also questioning that as well.  I guess it all boils down to a question of why.  Why do I follow one NFL team over another, why do I believe in one political candidate over another, why do I like being alone more than with my family, why do I like the music I do, why don’t I drink coffee or alcohol?  Why, why, why?

I was raised a certain way, and I am wired a certain way, but I try to fight my instincts and search for why I am urged to feel, say, think or act a certain way depending on the situation at hand.  I have experienced so many things in my life that have to lead me to be who I am.  Through counseling, I am fighting my anxiety, but I also feel I need help with the guilt.  Both of these weigh on me daily.

As I am writing this my wife and son are at Disney World.  I have been there six or seven times and honestly, do not enjoy theme parks as mentioned in a previous blog.  My wife knows I do not like Disney and requested I do not go.  This is where the guilt has set in.  I feel like a horrible father for not going on a family vacation, with the memories my son will have without me.  I feel guilty that my wife’s sister is there with her husband and two step kids are there.  Finally, I feel guilty that my wife’s mother and father showed up to go along on the trip, basically having the entire family there but me.

This is not meant for sympathy or pity, I am just stating what I feel.  Do I plan a vacation by myself somewhere that I want to go to?  Do I continue to help fund trips to Disney (one is already being planned for my son’s senior year), if they go do I go or stay?  Again a guilty feeling.

My instinct is to help others and put others first.  When I don’t I feel guilty.  When I do, I feel guilty.  It is something I have to work through.  To find a way to put Tim first without the guilt.

The person I referenced above rarely gets the point of my posts, so I want to take a moment to clarify things.  My posts are MY observations of whatever I am writing about.  They are not meant to convince anyone to believe or feel the way I do.  They are not meant to look for a hidden meaning, they are just my observations.  If I said I was hiking in the snow and it was 27 degrees and I was perfectly comfortable, that in no way implies that you should do that.  I am not wanting you to analyze the temperature, what I was wearing, what I was doing, where I was going, just that it was 27 degrees and I am comfortable.  Just accept that what I am saying is the truth about how I FEEL.  It may be right, it may be wrong, but it is my observation.

I want to leave you with a short story called I wish you enough.  I am not sure where I heard this but I wish this for you.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

Finally, I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.

Until next time,

Tim