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I hate vacations.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

Today I am going to write about something that will probably get many responses from people telling why my thinking and behavior are wrong.  This is how I feel and how I am wired.

I do not like taking vacations.  There are many reasons for this, but it most cases vacations increase my anxiety and reduce my ability to relax (more than normal).  First, there is the guilt of missing work and knowing all the work and emails I will be coming back to upon my return.  On every vacation I have taken I have either checked work emails while on vacation or consistently thought about what I would be facing upon my return while I was on vacation.

Next, my idea of a vacation does not align with most people including my family.  As someone who no longer enjoys being around medium to large groups of people, especially strangers, the so-called vacation hotspots tend to draw the masses to those locations.  Places like Holiday World, King’s Island, Disney, Cedar Point, Huber’s Farm in October, the Grand Canyon, cruises, Yosemite, Florida, in general, all draw large amounts of people that seem to travel in herds to the “best” spots.  This is most prevalent at amusement parks where people stand in line for sometimes hours to ride something that lasts 2-3 minutes.

Next is the financial burden of a vacation.  As one who is working to get out of debt with the goal of financial independence, dropping $1000 – $5000 for a weeks’ vacation seems to be too extreme for me.  Since many of the things I listed above, due to popularity, increase the prices due to that popularity.

A smaller aspect that also weighs on me is leaving our dog at home.  Yea this may be a bit silly, but I worry about his anxiety around strangers and the fact that he is being left alone for long periods in a cage.  Judge if you must.

I have never been one who can truly relax.  This has prevented me from enjoying vacations, truly defeating the purposes of my regular massages and in many cases from enjoying certain aspects of my life.  So taking a vacation surrounded by loads of people is not something I would find any pleasure in.  The last two trips my wife and son have taken have been without me to Disney.  Those memories for my son will be of good times he had without me.

At my employer, we accrue vacation or paid time off (PTO) every two weeks.  At my current seniority, I gain 4 weeks a year or 160 PTO hours.  To prove that what you just read is not a falsehood my current PTO balance is 286.5 hours or 36 days.  The PTO cap is 38 days or 304 hours.  I have learned to take a long weekend (Friday or Monday) off here and there to prevent from reaching that cap and no longer earning PTO.  For the reasons listed above, I do not go anywhere on these days off.  Usually, my PTO is used to run errands or do chores.  My choice.

I am slowly learning to let some things go in my life, but will always have that guilt and responsibly hanging over my head preventing me from truly relaxing in activities like a vacation.  I will take solace in local hikes, hiding behind my camera taking pictures, getting lost in listening to music and trying to figure out this meditation practice.

Are there places I want to go to or see?  Yea.  Am I worried about not going or seeing them?  Not really.  I have resolved that the places I want to go do not fit into the grand scheme of my life or my family’s idea of vacations.

I do not do bucket lists as I feel they are just a way to point out obvious failures if you do not achieve them.  If my life reaches a point where I feel comfortable going on a trip I do not have specific destinations in mind but more like ideal spots.  These will never include Florida, New York City or California.  Time will tell if I do ever go to those, for now, secret, locations.

I plan to start up my hiking in the next week or two depending on the heat.  I look forward to getting back out there and writing about those experiences again.  On the path to discovering Tim again.

Until next time,

Tim

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