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Love & fear.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

In life, you have only two choices.  Love and fear.  I am learning to not let fear control me.  I am learning to be me, my true self.  To risk being seen as my true authentic self is a very scary proposition.  I have lived a life out of fear, disguised as being practical.  I followed my parents to lead and guidance.  I went to the right schools, went to church every weekend, made safe choices in my life, and did what I was supposed to do, all under the mask of fear.  The best things in life are on the other side of fear.  My daily life thoughts are best summed up in this video by Will Smith.  https://youtu.be/bFIB05LGtMs

I have always had high levels of anxiety.  As a result, I have had a few small panic attacks. I have hidden these from everyone including my wife.  I worry about so much that I cannot control.  I envision outcomes that rarely happen or happen at a far lesser degree than what I have built up in my mind.  This for me has been one of my largest fears.  Not being in control.  Through my recent counseling and exercises, she has given me I have begun to rethink and retrain my mind.  For 50 years now I have lived in fear, the rest of my journey will be toward living in love.  I am defining my intention and striving for a clear destination.

What defines me?  I want to be always changing.  I intend to change.  The intention is everything.  My intention is everything.  Nothing happens without it.  Not one thing has been accomplished without intention.  I am striving to live with less fear and change my way of thinking.  To rely on the universe to provide me with what I think, feel and say.  I will express daily what I want, and will it to be.

Simon Sinek states “to know your destination in life.”  He demonstrated that if he told someone to walk in a straight line toward a specific corner of the room that person would do so.  If he placed a chair in front of that person as they walked, they would simply go around it and head for the final destination.  On the flip side if he told someone to pick somewhere in the room and walk in a straight line to that destination the person would likely ask where should I go,  then eventually head in an unplanned direction. As they proceeded that way if a chair was placed in their path they most likely would stop completely or head in a different direction.  Why?  They did not know their true destination or purpose and was distracted by an object that stopped their progress or set them off course.

As many of you know I recently had a photo walk in downtown Louisville with a good friend.  During that walk, my camera had a vital piece fall of it.  I was able to still shoot and continue but knew that I would have to send in my camera to be repaired.  As I write this I have been without ‘my baby’ for eight days.  As photography is an outlet for me, as well as hiking, I have two stress relievers missing right now and I can feel it.  I have relied heavily on listening to music and some meditation to get me through this temporary pitfall.  My hiking will begin again in 2 weeks.  These may seem petty to most of you but these are my outlets.

I want to thank those of you who have helped and supported me along this journey.  I do get feedback from a few of you, which means a lot to me, and is greatly appreciated.  I am getting my houses together including my mental, financial, and emotional ones.  Despite the one person attacking my financial goals yet supporting my mental and emotional gains, this exercise has taught me a lot about myself and my true friends.  My support network is strong.

A river has a beginning and an end.  I know where my river started, I am now trying to pinpoint where it will end.  I am the only problem I will ever have, and I AM the solution.

Until next time,

Tim

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