Skip to main content

Vulnerabilities.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

I want to embrace my vulnerabilities and not fear the risk that may come from allowing others to see them.  To work through and deal with the shame and judgment that often comes when I reveal myself to others.

For most of my life, I have had this belief of who I should be, what I should do as a career, who I should hang around, how I should act and what I should look like.  I think this is something everyone struggles with and it is more prevalent in today’s society with the overabundance of social media, television commercials, and billboards amongst other things.

Shame is a driving force that leads to disconnection.  I have noticed that this happens to me and others so subconsciously that it seems to be a driving force in most people’s lives without them even knowing.  People unknowingly (sometimes) validate themselves against me.  They validate where they are better than me.  This could be physical, emotionally, financially or even comparing my wife or son to their own.  I am guilty of this as well.

In this continual journey of my life, I am striving to move away from shame and move toward empathy.  Empathy which is quite different than sympathy involves understanding other’s experiences through their eyes and not our own.  I often will listen to another’s problems and begin either comparing it to something that happened to me or prepare myself to provide a solution, without truly listening to that person’s issue at hand.  Through empathy, I will put myself in their shoes, not to take on the issue, fix it, or compare it to an experience of my own, but strive to listen and understand why that particular issue is impacting them the way it does.  With shame there are no conversations, just blame.  With empathy there is listening and understanding someone’s issue and why they feel the way they do.  Shame leads to disconnection, empathy leads to connectedness.  The two most important words when striving for empathy when talking to someone who suffers is ‘me too’.

As a new practice, I will start to tear down my walls and show my vulnerabilities.  Many see this is a weakness, but for me, I see it as a truer, loving connection with the ‘right’ people.  I am striving for the courage to be impactful.  Striving for compassion to be kind to me and others.  Finally building that connection that will result in authenticity.

I have been trying to do the impossible, which is numbing only certain emotions.  Those brought on by shame.  I nor anyone can numb only certain emotions.  I am willing to do things without guarantees.  As an example of telling my friends that I love them at risk of hearing that back or providing an empathetic ear knowing it may not be reciprocated.  I cannot achieve empathy without vulnerability.  I also cannot love others more than I love myself.

Do to the shaming I have experienced in my life I have become disconnected from much of my family and some friends.  I am learning to let go of who I should be, become who I am.  Believing I am worthy of love and belonging.  To say I AM ENOUGH.

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mentor

  When my photography journey rekindled back in 2015 with a trip to Maine, I never knew how far I would come and how important pushing a button on a camera would be. I have come a long way, but still have so much more to learn. A mentor is described as an experienced and trusted adviser (noun) . Also, as someone who will advise or train (someone, especially a younger  colleague ) (verb). Wikipedia also states mentorship is the patronage, influence, guidance, or direction given by a mentor. A mentor is someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.  Since I have gotten more serious about my photography, I have been looking for a mentor that fits these categories listed above. Seeking guidance, I reached out to a handful of “professional” photographers to inquire about mentorship. I received no response from one person, another person casually mentioned that they rarely mentor, and a third person kindly explained that they ...

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...

Tested

  Life is a series of tests, pushing us to our limits and forcing us to grow. All blessings originate from a God, yet they manifest through different circumstances, encounters, and individuals. Throughout the past six weeks, I have encountered a myriad of these tests. This is part of the reason I have not written in a while - the constant distractions that have consumed my time and focus. Balancing my mental state and warding off anxiety has consumed my attention, leaving no room to articulate my thoughts through writing. My journey began recently when, with the advice of a medical professional, I began taking Trintellix at its lowest dose of 5mg per day. Gradually I increased to 10mg a day and now am at 20mg a day. During this time, my anxiety has lessened quite a bit, but recent events have put this medication to the test. Our initial challenge was to carefully research vans, searching for ones that would be ideal for safely transporting our furry companions. The cramped spac...