I want to be a friend to myself.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

I have recently encountered a world of irony or a true sign I am following the right path.  This all started with a friend’s recommendation for a book.

As mentioned previously, in a post, I was recommended a book on Buddhism, which I downloaded, listened too and began the practice that was recommended for meditation.  I was also recommended, by a different friend, an app for my phone which has helped me since I began this new practice.  The idea and concept of meditation is a very simple concept yet hard to execute.  The irony of starting this was that I have had a few readers inquiry about the book and the process of meditation, to which I am no expert, but through daily practice, I hope to become one.  So first was the book, then the app, then a video.  I mentioned before one of my favorite (if not my favorite) photographer is a man named Sean Tucker.  I have never met him but have corresponded via emails a few times.  I am a regular viewer of his YouTube videos and of course, follow him on Instagram.  I was behind in watching his videos (I try to watch them as they are published) and had a chance to get caught up this morning.  His most recent video discusses the creative funk everyone falls into and in this case how it applies to artists such as photographers.  In listening to his video he discusses the constant struggle that minds have (like mine) of worrying about the future, living in the past and neglecting the here and now.  As the video progresses he mentioned he has been meditating for years and the benefits he has encountered by doing so, like becoming more creative and how we need to take time to become disconnected for all the distractions we experience daily.  The video is 12 minutes long but in my opinion very worth a watch and my case re-watching.  I reached out to Sean and got permission to share his video as well as mention it.  Thanks mate!

This week I utilized a benefit from my job called the Employee Assistance Program (EAP).  Through this program employee and their families have access to professions such as counselors, tax advisors, researchers, legal advisors, and many more.  With direction from a few close friends (one a professional), I signed up for five visits with a counselor.  I had my first session yesterday.  The conversation and reason why I was there will remain private but I felt reassured that my situation and symptoms are not unique and that what I am feeling is more normal than I realized.  My next session will cover coping mechanisms but I was told: “with your blog, photography, hiking, listening to music and now meditation, you have multiple avenues of coping, which is what I recommend”.  One nugget I did want to reveal from my session was that the counselor told me “in grad school I was told that ‘normal’ people seek help and see counselors.  It’s the ‘crazy’ (she hates that word) that don’t because they think they are normal.”

I am reading (audiobook) about the teachings of Buddha.  I have learned it is not a cult, religion or sect, it is a way of living.  It does not interfere with the religion of any form, it enhances it.  As I continue to listen to the book, again and again, I learn new things.  I want to reach the point where I can live through my heart and not my mind.  I have grown up learning to decide based on logic, analysis, and rationalization, instead of making decisions based on my heart.  I want to get to that place.  Meditation will help me release the stresses and anxiety that is very evident in my neck, shoulders, and head.  It is impossible not to have a bit of research and analysis in my decisions but I want to lessen those aspects.

The other tidbit I want to master is the art of letting go.  The teachings of Buddha (my take anyway), is that life provides positive experiences and negative experiences.  I want to learn to accept them at the moment and let them go.  I spend too much-wasted energy focused on ‘the good times’, wishing I had this or that or trying to fix things.  I want to learn to live in the here and now, deal with issues at the moment and let them go forever.  Again like meditation, now easy, but a simple concept.  As Sean Tucker said in his video I want to “make friends with myself and get comfortable with silence”.

I do want to take a moment and thank some of the folks who have helped me along my journey thus far and have shown me the love and support that means so much to me.  Your simple, IM, text, email, phone call or conversation has touched my spirit.  These are in no particular order, but it all begins with my life partner, my wife, Marcie.  I will never be able to repay you for what you have given me.  I also want to thank the following for reaching out to me with love and concern after reading the blog post that led me to where I am now.  Thank you, Al, Shawn, Steve, Tesa, Laurie, Kenny, Debbie and Michael.  Indirectly Sean Tucker has helped me with his recent videos and others I have referenced before.  I’m not sure if he will read this or not, but I also want to thank him.

I look forward to this journey!

Until the next time,

Tim