Ruminator

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography I have a lot of fear and uncertainty in my life, and it seems to be validated daily.  Uncertainty is a very confident place to be.  By revealing myself in my blog I am letting go of that uncertainty and fear in my life.  I will become unattached to fear and uncertainty within. As part of this fear and uncertainty throughout my life, I have looked to validate certain feelings and emotions, but I was causing more harm to myself than good.  Trying to validate if I was good enough with this blog, my photography, as a father, as a son, as a husband, as a friend, the world always found a way to confirm I was not good enough.  The same can be said for that feeling of belonging.  Do I belong to my friends, or in my job, or at the schools I attended?   Thoughts of being judged unfairly, not being able to provide for my family, death and losing the ones I love are some issues I have been seeking validation for in the past.  As have been the acknowledgment of my

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography I want to embrace my vulnerabilities and not fear the risk that may come from allowing others to see them.  To work through and deal with the shame and judgment that often comes when I reveal myself to others. For most of my life, I have had this belief of who I should be, what I should do as a career, who I should hang around, how I should act and what I should look like.  I think this is something everyone struggles with and it is more prevalent in today’s society with the overabundance of social media, television commercials, and billboards amongst other things. Shame is a driving force that leads to disconnection.  I have noticed that this happens to me and others so subconsciously that it seems to be a driving force in most people’s lives without them even knowing.  People unknowingly (sometimes) validate themselves against me.  They validate where they are better than me.  This could be physical, emotionally, financially or even comparing my wife

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography I attended my second therapy session this past week and learned that through practice I can change who I am inside.  My goal is to work to be a different person inside.  A different ‘Tim’.  As my Enneagram thought of the date stated today ‘How can you fully experience your Presence here and now?  Observe the many thoughts that pass through your awareness without becoming attached to them’. Anxiety is something that consumes a large part of my thinking, and eventually emotions.  This anxiety and stress all come from one thing.  Fear!  Fear of the unknown, fear of what may happen, fear of how my actions will be perceived and judged, fear of the impact of my decisions, fear of what I say and how others will take it, fear of the future, fear of the past, fear, fear, fear.  I am learning and better understanding that without fear you cannot develop trust.  Without trust, you live in fear.  A vicious cycle. So what will be my approach to conquering fear?  I

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography I have recently encountered a world of irony or a true sign I am following the right path.  This all started with a friend’s recommendation for a book. As mentioned previously, in a post, I was recommended a book on Buddhism, which I downloaded, listened too and began the practice that was recommended for meditation.  I was also recommended, by a different friend, an app for my phone which has helped me since I began this new practice.  The idea and concept of meditation is a very simple concept yet hard to execute.  The irony of starting this was that I have had a few readers inquiry about the book and the process of meditation, to which I am no expert, but through daily practice, I hope to become one.  So first was the book, then the app, then a video.  I mentioned before one of my favorite (if not my favorite) photographer is a man named Sean Tucker.  I have never met him but have corresponded via emails a few times.  I am a regular viewer of his Yo