Skip to main content

Life & death

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

This year has been all about change for me.  As I approach the age of 50 I am realizing more and more what is truly important to me and what are just wants and desires.  I am finally also realizing what a waste of energy is for me.    That waste comes in the form of social media, energy spent on worry and even people in my life.

First, there are social media.  I took a break from Facebook for a few weeks but went back with the goal in mind to remove those who post negative posts.  My ‘friends’ on Facebook as drastically decreased and I am okay with that.  I now focus less of my time on Facebook, but when I do it is to look at other photographer’s work on the groups I belong too and keep up with people that are important to me.

Next is wasted energy on worry.  My wife and I began the Dave Ramsey budget plan in January.  We account for every dollar and plan for every dollar.  We have a game plan to get out of debt and for the first time in my life, I see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am trying to change my mindset as well to prepare for things as they come, and deal with them, instead of worrying about what could happen.  Finally, as a natural planner, I have decided to lessen my worry by stepping back from organizing things.  This has already helped me to sleep better at night.

Lastly, I have been taking a close look at the people in my life.  Family, aside from I now choose who is in my life.  I have begun to remove those that cause me stress and anxiety.  I do not have the time nor have the energy to chase people as my friends.  My goal is to have a very close-nit very small group of trusted friends whose advice and friendship I cherish, and a few acquaintances that I will spend time with and provide some value to my life but not as much as my inner circle.

I attended a meeting yesterday with a local hiking club.  I was the youngest one there and this group has been together for over thirty years.  From a short time with them, I realized the value of how you spend your time in life.  Most were retired, but all had a spark and desire for hiking and traveling.  Many also had a passion for photography like me.  I hope to hike with these folks twice a month and discover new “churches” (trails) that will continue to keep my fire for life burning.

My priorities have changed in life.  My desires at age 49 now focus on my wife, son, hiking, photography, spending time with my good friends and music.  I now live for these things.  Money, career, new cars, giant house, new cell phone, etc. were desires of the past, but no longer.  I want to move forward making memories with my wife, son, and friends (and taking photos of them).  I want to do things that bring me joy and happiness not fleeting moments of pleasure that are quickly dismissed.

Death has come to my simple pleasures, people that don’t belong in my life and things that cause me wasted energy.  The world offers so much in the way of negativity, stress, anger, and worry that I don’t need to add to that with my thinking.  I have found my happy place in life, and with my new added joy of hiking, I can answer what Prince once said “Unnatural disasters happen seemingly every week.  Train crashes, shootings, nuclear accidents.  Is there any place of refuge one can flee from this insanity?”  For me yea, it’s on the trail in the woods!

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Leave

  I’m not okay. This week has been stressful. So much, in fact, I had to take a medical leave from Humana. It began today and will last through most of March. Though I am relieved somewhat, I still am fighting some of those internal demons that constantly haunt me. During my last visit with the doctor Erin, she knew immediately, without a word, that something was wrong. She noticed, and we discussed these stressors on several visits prior to my last one. It is not uncommon for me to face challenges and feel emotionally unsettled. I haven’t been okay for a while. Every morning, I am greeted with a racing heart and a wave of panic and anxiety as soon as I wake up. I feel as though my heart is a runaway train, racing uncontrollably and leaving me uncertain of its eventual destination. Whether it’s anxiety, fear, overwhelm, burnout, depression, ADHD, or simply the fast-paced world we live in today, my mind reached its breaking point. Overcoming and shaking off this feeling is like

Living with Unwanted Flashbacks

  We all have that dusty attic in our minds, where echoes of forgotten and moments of fleeting images gather. But for some of us, like me, that attic door swings open uninvited. Flooding my present with unwanted guests: flashbacks. These unwanted visitors aren’t here for tea and biscuits. Nor simply to say hello and wish me good will. They are here to replay scenes I desperately want to erase. ‘ I hate getting flashbacks from things I don’t want to remember ’ is a statement that carries the weight of unspoken stories. A statement for me that shares stories of trauma, loss, fear, and pain disguised as fleeting sensations. Those vivid emotions and intrusive thoughts that flow uncontrollably into my brain. Often like a raging river, but other times like a dripping faucet. It can be the sudden smell of rain triggering a childhood storm, a car backfiring, echoing a violent argument or harsh criticism from a parent, or a familiar song transporting you back to a moment of heartbreak. Liv

End

I don't worry about the world ending.  It has ended for me many times and always started the next morning. Until next time  Tim