I am a prisoner.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

On the way home from hiking yesterday I heard the song Hotel California by the Eagles.  A line in that song stated, “We are all just prisoners here of our device.”  That got me thinking how true that statement is for me and one of the main reasons I hike.  I recently have seen people retire from Humana and wondered what that feeling must be like as I walk out the door one last time of my own accord.  I have the perfect wife, awesome son, good job, a good home and am in relatively good health but like most I have stress.  That line of that song sums up how I and many of us often feel.  For me, that song means we are all prisoners by our means.  We weren’t tricked into our life situations by anyone else; if we were tricked at all, we tricked ourselves.  Our plan put us where we are.  So the stress of life (bills, raising children, our job, relationships, etc.) is a result of our plan.  Yea there are factors we cannot control, but we can control how we deal with them.  In my many years of living, I have not dealt with many of these things well.  I take on the stress.

I was raised to help others and as a result, take on others’ problems as my own.  I am an enabler.  I enable my “friends” by organizing activities and events.  This is a natural strength I have but I realized it is also a huge source of stress for me.  In trying to plan activities I have to constantly chase down people to respond if they are attending or not.  In many cases, I am chasing them down last minute or worse never getting a response at all.  I am lessening my stress by no longer planning many of the activities I have in the past.  I feel a bit guilty as I know these events no longer will continue as no-one will step up to take over organizing them.  I am an enabler.  Enablers think they are nice people but are bringing harm to the people they love.  Subsidizing the crazy.  I will no longer do this.

So 2018, has begun and I am getting paroled from being a prisoner of my “own device.”  I am making a conscious effort to lessen my stress but limiting or removing those things that cause me stress and adding activities (like this blog, photography, listening to more music and hiking) to lessen my stress.

Yesterday I hiked at O’ Bannon Woods State Park.  My original intent was to hike around 3 or 4 miles along with my various friends.  As the day drew closer, one by one people started dropping out.  It finally came down to being me and my friend Kristin (along with her two wonderful dogs).

I arrived early (normal for me), and waited for Kristin to join me.  I watched as cars came, people hoped out and scurried off.  Most of them jogging.  My thoughts went to the current political climate we are in and that the fact that a government shutdown could close our National Parks and what a true tragedy that would be.  My stress level began to rise, and I focused on a squirrel hopping around in the snow digging for nuts.  I thought about all the stress I have and issues I deal with daily and this squirrel could care less.  He or she had one goal.  Food.  Nothing else.  Food.  It was simple really, but so calming to me.  One goal, one job, one focus!

As Kristin arrived we started on the Fire Tower Trail intending to hike 2 miles to the intersection of the Rocky Ridge Trail and then head back to the cars.  Little did I know the day would conclude with a 6.61-mile trek and close to 18,000 steps.

We started at the trailhead and made our way down a path that was only marked by other’s footprints and an occasional sign.  The snow was soft and muffled our footsteps which added to the serenity of the surroundings.  As Gambit (dog) lead us down the path, stopping at every stick and causing Kristin to almost trip every time on him, it was soon decided that I should lead.  I took on the responsibility which was unfavorable to Gambit as he kept bumping into my heels.

This hike was more challenging than others I had been on.  Not due to the distance, though that ultimately played a factor, because hiking in the snow has its challenges.  The snow was not deep.  Maybe 3 inches tops, but with every step there was a potential of sliding on an unseen tree root, stepping in a hole or on a rock.

Today’s trek was very much a thrill for the senses.  As we made our way down the Fire Tower Trail.  The path was cut on the side of a hill.  Looking to the left we were about a quarter of the way down a slope that was intersected by the path we were on.  We soon noticed the hill to the right of us got steeper and steeper and eventually dropping probably 150 feet down into a large creek.

This hike was mystical to me.  The multiple tracks I was following (human and dog), eventually became one set of human tracks.  The mystery came when I noticed that the tracks just disappeared.  No sign that they went left or right, just gone.  Soon I saw deer tracks on the path and many sets of squirrel tracks intersecting the path we were on.

I tried to capture the essence of what I saw in a few photographs, but mainly today’s trek was to hit a reset button for my mind and spirit, and less about photography.

Kristin and I have wonderful conversations during this hike.  We talked about the state of the world today, our past relationships and a personal sore subject with me how people today are offended way too easily and look to start issues when there is no basis for them.

I mentioned in a previous post that my relationship with God is not fulfilled within a church but out on his canvas of nature.  I will state it again.  The woods are my church, and today I silently confessed my sins, got baptized and felt closer to God than ever before.  As the world throws me challenges, I will handle them, and when I need to find him, I know where he will be.  Out in the woods!

Until next time,

Tim