Skip to main content

Focus.

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography

Today I had a truly spiritual experience.  Once again my mind and soul felt the need to get out among the trees, so off I went.  My church of choice today was Mt. St. Francis, and the congregation consisted of just one ….. me!

I started at 8 am in the fog.  The temperature was hovering around freezing but for me, the air was truly refreshing.  I filled my lungs with the cool air and like always my head began to clear.  I decided today to go the opposite direction of my normal trek, having the rising sun at my back instead of in my eyes.   As I left my car and began my way toward the lake, I was quickly reminded of the temperature as I began sliding on the paved pathway due to some freezing fog.  As I was still recovering from a recent fall I decided to move off the path and walk in the grass.  The crunching under my feet from the frozen grass was not a sound I particularly cared for, but soon I was at the lake and began my hike on a previously muddy, but now frozen path.  The different perspectives, having never gone this direction reminded me that I need to constantly look at various aspects of my life and see them from a different angle.  I appreciate what I have and not get caught up in the same routine.

I made my way down the winding path, carefully stepping over roots that had an almost invisible thin layer of frozen fog on them.  I was maybe a foot from the water’s edge and today would not be a good day to take a dip, either on purpose or via a slip and fall.  I continued and reached a long bridge that crossed over a bog.  I gingerly held the rail as I crossed this 40-foot bridge, feeling my boots so wanting to go any direction other than what I intended.  I completed the trek and entered the woods on the other side of the lake.  As I entered the woods I felt the cool mist caress my face.  My first thought was about my wife and how miserable she would be, but I smiled knowing she loved the fact that I found something to clear my mind.  As I moved deeper in the woods the fog seemed to muffle what little sounds I heard.  It also did something else.  It began muffling all those stressful thoughts that run through my brain every day.

I moved across yet another bridge and up a steep hill.  At this point, I was breathing heavier and could hear my heartbeat in my head.  My breath was heavy and I was adding to the mist that already surrounded me.  As I reached the pinnacle of this hill I stopped to take a break.  My breath got lighter, and my heartbeat slowed.  Here is where I noticed many of the branches had frozen water droplets on them, and I could not pass the opportunity to take a few shots?

The next part of my journey was a bit unnerving.  As the frozen rain began to melt the raindrops fell but were more solid than water so I felt like people were walking all around me in the woods as well as behind me.  I spent the next few minutes on edge but again reminded myself why I was there, and quickly turned my uneasy feeling into one of joy.  As I reached the next ridgeline I saw a squirrel sitting directly in my path.  He casually looked at me and then scurried off into the woods.

In the distance, I began to hear water flowing in the creek.  I drew closer and closer through the fog and eventually was standing at the water’s edge.  I took a few minutes to enjoy the calming sounds and snapped a few photos before I crossed yet another wooden bridge and made my way back to the back of the property.  Today was particularly muddy and I spent a significant amount of time off the trail sidestepping large puddles as I have often done in life.  As I headed back in the direction of my car I passed a young kid who was out jogging.  We traded quick ‘good mornings’ and like that he was gone.

I finished my walk next to a large field.  Again seeing this from the venue of everything being frozen reminded me that I too have felt frozen in aspects of my life, but nature and these woods provide me the spark that thaws me out.

As music is also interwoven throughout my life I finished my hike with song lyrics floating in my head.  “Too many hassles in my local life, surviving’ the strain.  And a man without a focused life could drive him insane.” – Scarface.  As 2018 continues I want to have a focus on the things that truly matter to me.  With age comes reflection, knowledge and hopefully wisdom.  My focus in life has begun to change.  I keep things close to the vest, whether that be lifelong friends, family or passions.  The drama, politics, and worry I have no control over will no longer cause me strain.

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...

Rumination

  I've found myself stuck in a loop lately. It's like my mind is on a hamster wheel, endlessly circling the same thoughts. I can't seem to shake them. It's exhausting. I've been there. That place where thoughts loop around and around, like a broken record stuck on the same groove. It's like my mind is a haunted house, and these persistent thoughts are the ghosts haunting me. I'll be thinking about something, maybe a conversation I had earlier in the day, and then suddenly, I'm spiraling. I'm replaying every word, every gesture, analyzing every detail. It's like a broken record, playing the same tune repeatedly. It's not just conversations, either. I can ruminate about my to-do list, my relationships, or even the weather. It's as if my brain is determined to find a problem, no matter how small. Rumination, as it's called, can be a real drain. It's like trying to go against the flow of a strong current. No matter how hard I ...

Waiting for the End to Come

  I have been in a funk lately. I am adjusting to my anxiety medicine, and I feel it is working, but maybe too well. Last week I met with Dr. Erin. She, of course, asked me how I was feeling and honestly, I told her I was not really feeling anything. We dug deeper, and she explained that my anxiety prior to the medicine was like a roller coaster. I had extreme highs and extreme lows. Now with the medicine it is more of a flatter track. I am not hitting the lows; Like I was before (which is good), but also not hitting the highs either. I feel like I am purely existing. Little desire to do much of anything. It’s true my passions are hiking and photography, which I do little of in the summer because of ticks, heat, and snakes. I know fall is approaching and I hope that helps me get out of this funk somewhat. I will also speak to my psychiatrist about lowering my dosage to see if that helps. Even my writing has been affected. I have not had the desire to write. Music, however, ha...