Ruminator

I realized today I have not written in almost a month. My blogs are usually inspired by things I do or powerful feelings I am having on a particular issue rolling around in my brain. The desire is always there to write; the inspiration is often not. Today I feel a bit of the need to write. I began writing a daily journal back in March. I am unsure if this is taking away my inspiration to write a blog, or likely the lack of doing what I love (hiking), has left me uninspired. I know, however, as we change the calendar from July to August tomorrow, that we are one month closer to my hiking season. The time this hibernating bear awakes, at least physically. The calendar change also will mean that I can say next month I am going on my trip with my lovely wife. Since Kota passed back in March, I have felt a sense of freedom when planning trips. No guilt about leaving him at home, and no anxiety for him or me. As many of you know, I share the fact that I “don’t like people”. It is not 100% th...

I recently had a visit to my psychologist where we discussed my continuous anxiety, but she dug deeper, and I believe may have pinpointed a major source of that anxiety. This is what I want to discuss today. If you are a regular reader to my blog, you know anxiety is woven into the fabric of my being. I live with it daily. Sometimes I can control it, other times it can be overwhelming. As she asked me about what things cause me anxiety, she suggested looking at the positives in each situation and to not ruminate on the negative. We discussed various subjects that cause my anxiety when she looked at me and asked a simple question. “Do you think all this anxiety stems from you feeling as you are not good enough?” Like a hit to the gut, this got my wheels turning. I think she has started a journey for me with that statement. I do not feel I am good enough in four areas. Son, husband, father, and friend are these categories. I have written often about my mom and how she would compare me to...

On May 11 th of this year, I wrote this post about what I perceive as a Civil War within the United States of America. It can be read here . I now want to expand on those thoughts and alarmingly speak about what a branch of the government has now done about it. On June 7, 2022, the Department of Homeland Security issued a ‘ national terrorism advisory ’. You can read it here . Upon reading this document posted on the website, the advisory is warning of a threat from within the United States, not from outside. Think about that for a moment. Within the document above, the Department of Homeland Security states, “ In the coming months, DHS expects the threat environment to become more dynamic as several high-profile events could be exploited to justify acts of violence against a range of possible targets. These targets could include public gatherings, faith-based institutions, schools, racial, ethnic, and religious minorities, government facilities and personnel, U.S. critical infrastruc...

Overthinking comes in two forms. First is ruminating about the past and second worrying about the future. Overthinking also involves dwelling on how bad you feel or felt during life experiences. Finally, the worst aspect for me is constantly thinking about all the things you have no control over. These are simple statements that explain a complicated problem that I and many others have. A few years back in August 2019, I wrote about being an over thinker. You can read that post here . For me, little has changed in that aspect. I still over think, worry and as pointed out in that post, if I don’t get an answer to a question I ask, I make up one. I need answers to ‘finish’ things in my mind. To solve the puzzle that my brain is dealing with at that moment. I found online the list below that describes over thinkers. Everyone has done some are these once, but an over thinker repeats these questions/statements below over and over. For me personally #2, #4 and #9 are my closest companions. H...

Today’s post may strike a nerve with some, but that is not my intention. My intention is also not to sway anyone’s views. I will not try to convince you of my view or judge if your view (if differs) is right or wrong. I think our country, the United States of America, is in a civil war. Ironic that we are called the UNITED states. We as a country are divided. Some statements I will make will be generalizations, but as a whole, they are true. The first, and most obvious, is our political divide. We have Republicans vs Democrats. Trump vs. Biden. Our political division has never been greater than right now. The average Biden supporter or Democrat is young, urban, and racially and ethnically diverse. The other (Trump or Republican) is mostly rural, ex-urban, white and older. Again, a general statement, but true. Most political views see the opposite party as evil, and a recent article I read said over 40% of people would be very upset if their child married someone of a different party th...