Ruminator

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography It has been a year since I started blogging.  The journey has been one of self-discovery and I am glad many have come along for the ride.   I can’t wait to see what next year brings. These past few days have been a test for my anxiety.  First was making through the Christmas holiday.   My mother, sister and I do not have the closest relationship.  The love is there, but we are in no way close.  Then there is the fact that my father died on December 17 th , 2007, so close to Christmas.  It will never be a true time of joy for me. Next, we spent time with my wife’s family.  Like mine, the love is there, but deep inside I feel uneasy being amongst their family gatherings.  It is nothing against them or my family, it is more me.  I always look at people in my family and hers the same way.  Would I choose them as friends and want to willingly be around them by choice.  In most cases that is no.  But I chose to make these gathers the best I could for th...

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography These past few days for me have been full of emotion, but it has been a good thing. On December 17 th , 2007 my dad passed away from lung cancer, on December 19 th , 2009 my cousin passed away of the same thing.  This time of year has been tarnished and not joyful to me, but this past two weekends I have found some joy, and these memories have been pushed back a bit. I mentioned in my previous blog (3 buddies) about the fun I had last weekend.  This weekend was very similar.  It began Thursday when I received a notification from a local visitor’s center on Instagram that they would like to use one of my shots in their publications as well as on their social media.  I gladly accepted and even called the person to get the scoop.  That same day a former high school classmate hooked me up with a local art gallery who expressed interest in displaying my photo(s) in a future exhibit.  I am truly honored but do not feel my work is worthy of these accolades. M...

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography This weekend was one that I can gladly say was a good weekend for me.  It is not often the entire weekend that is good but this one was. It began with our traditional Friday night pizza gathering.  Sometimes it is just Marcie and me, other times it is our friend Ken and Laurie.  This week was different.  A new family moved in in our area and we decided to invite the couple to join us.  We heard their story, they heard ours and we enjoyed a great dinner with great conversations. Saturday I attended my son’s second swim meet and then that evening we went to another couple’s house that we recently met.  This time our son came with us as his friend lives there and we brought along the new family’s son.  We spent a few hours playing board games, laughing, joking and learning about each other.  It was relaxing and fun.  Something I think both Marcie and I needed.  Like Friday night, we shared stories, got to know each other, and felt great that ou...

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography With the holidays in full swing, my anxiety has been and will be tested.  I will survive but this year I hope to control my stress and anxiety. Mental health is now at the forefront of the news these days and I feel it is great.  People are less scared to mention they have struggles and more importantly seek help.  It is okay to not be okay. As a person who deeply respects the military and enjoys watching military movies and documentaries, I feel I can best describe my person bought with anxiety using military terms.  First, there is PEACETIME.  During this time things are going well, anxiety is extremely rare or non-existent.  Next is SKIRMISH.  This for me is when anxiety lasts minutes, moments or as long as a day or so.  The next level for me is a CIVIL WAR.  This is when anxiety can last days, weeks and even a few months.  Finally, it is a WORLD WAR.  This is when anxiety is constant.  Wake up with it, go to bed with it.  There is a constant fight ...

This morning’s hike provided me an opportunity to be introspective.   There was a recent tragedy in our small town that impacted my son and as a result, me. One of Gavin’s classmates was killed in a car wreck early this past Sunday morning.  As adults, we have extreme difficulty dealing with death.  As a 15-year-old, learning of another 15 years old’s death, I can only imagine what is going through my son’s brain. The details of what happened, where, why, etc. are not important.  What is, is the fact that life ended way too early.  The others involved have to live with the results of what happened as three survived, one didn’t. We went as a family to the viewing yesterday and I was completely blown away by the support.  The town I live in has less than 1000 residents, but I swear it felt like all 1000 were there.  There was a line around the funeral parlor and out the door.  For once I saw a group of people come together for a cause.  No fighting over politics, no debates over religion...