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Desire

 

I realized something today. That I have stopped living life. I am literally just trying to get to the next day. Just living in the thought of tomorrow. I’m not living. I’m waiting. And the trouble is. I have no idea what it is exactly I am waiting for. To tell you the truth, I’m kind of scared for what that might be.

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure, but not having no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends but hating socializing. It’s wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s caring about everything and then caring about nothing. It is feeling everything at once and then all the sudden feeling paralyzingly numb. It’s like drowning beneath the waves but your dying of thirst.

I don’t think people realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally.

Until next time,

Tim

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