Return to sender

Today I returned to work for the first time since February 15. I was nervous and not sure what to expect. I learned of a few surprises and some changes. 

This week, my boss ordered me to work from 8am-12pm. I had 6 weeks off to clear my head and focus on my future. With help from Dr. Erin, a new medication and time away, I returned with a new perspective. One that focuses on me and my health, rather than on doing whatever I needed to do for the company. 

 I learned today that the primary task that sent me over the edge was now no longer part of my duties. Well, in a daily sense. I would help create improvements. I was hired to create improvements in the process, not perform it daily. 

 I received news that one of my favorite coworkers had departed to pursue his true passion, leaving a bittersweet feeling in the air. My director announced she is also leaving but is committed to staying until her replacement is hired. 

 As soon as I returned, I was confronted with a staggering 522 emails waiting for me. I simply deleted them all with a few clicks of my mouse and began fresh. Anything important would be returned to me soon enough. 

 I met with my boss to discuss how I was feeling and what my additional responsibilities were, and more importantly, what was being taken away. She reiterated it had nothing to do with my leave, but I know it did. I was not complaining. 

 As I transition back into my role, I have a sticky note on my computer reminding myself to take care of Tim and not Humana. I am grateful for over 21 years of employment with Humana, but I need to be respectful to the 55 (almost 56) years of life I have lived on this earth. 

The future that was once so clear now appears before me like a dark, foreboding path into the dark forest. I am not scared, but I do not see an immediate end. I am focused on the small area I can see before me and not worried about what is up ahead of me hidden from sight. 

Until next time, 

 Tim