3am

 

I once read that 3am is the hour for writers, painters, poets, over-thinkers, silent seekers, and creative people. I am not sure if that is the truth, but I know 3am seems to be the waking hour for me.

For years now, I have not slept well. My mind races, and I often wake up with thoughts. Some are insignificant, like remembering to take the trash out, while others are much heavier about questioning if I am good enough for Marcie or will I ever be able to afford to retire.

Based on what I listed above, I fall into the writer, creative, but more likely the over-thinker category. These breaks in my sleep can vary from a nuisance, where I quickly resume my sleep, to hours laying there trying to work out solutions to my quandary.

I cannot control what things pop in my mind at 3am, but I am challenged with changing my thinking, especially if the multiple solutions are negative. It will not be easy, but I hope I can conquer and eliminate this pattern.

One other thing I have noticed. 3am is very lonely. Though my wife may be lying next to me, I feel all alone in those moments. Often scared and helpless.

At 3 am, an inky silence consumes the world, intensifying the hollow emptiness inside. While the rest of the house slumbers peacefully, I lie awake, my mind filled with thoughts that dance like shadows in the moonlight. Each creak of the floorboard and distant car alarm seems to echo through the house, intensifying my sense of isolation. There is a noticeable shift in the internet's atmosphere during this hour, from a vibrant tapestry of connection to a cold and impersonal space. As I reach out, the echo of my loneliness is the only thing that greets me.

If this time truly dedicates itself to creatives, writers, poets, and painters, then I suppose it's about time for me to learn to fully embrace it. I want to tap into the hidden messages my brain is sending and let go of the things I cannot control.

Ironically enough, this topic came to mind in the dead of night at 3am, and I mentally composed most of this post during that time. Now, a few hours later, I am writing these words.

If you or anyone you know is frequently up at 3am, you'll become acquainted with the eerie calmness that engulfs the world. Know that there are people out there who understand and empathize with what you're going through. Like me, there might be a reason why you are the way you are.

Until next time,

Tim