Skip to main content

EGD & Colonoscopy

 


On December 1st, I have two procedures being done. First is the EGD (remember Sam) and the second is my first colonoscopy. I am not excited about these.

As I age and have various medical issues, I learn that there are more and more tests that I must endure. These all take time, cost a lot of money and then there is the joy of waiting for the results of each exam.

This next exam, however, scares me. I have never been one who likes to give up control of my body. Being ‘put under’. I avoid alcohol, pain pills, and illegal drugs for this reason. There is a daily fight with demons within my head daily and I am unsure if letting my guard down (via drugs or alcohol) will weaken that defense I have built up. I don’t want my demons to escape. Have you seen an angry drunk or psychotic crackhead?

The procedure will check if Sam is gone from my previous EGD, and the colonoscopy will detect any polyps or major issues in my lower gastrointestinal tract.

If you recall with my last EGD I was told as I was waking up that “there was a spot that needs to come out. Might be cancer, so we are sending it off to get biopsied”. I sat with that news for 4 days until the nurse called and said it was nothing and to continue taking antacids until my next visit.

My recent track record has not been favorable to tests. Heart attack, EGD results, blood work including diabetes spiking, and now I have these two exams to come. I achieved better health by losing weight, getting my blood levels checked, and walking daily.

I trust my doctor, but I am scared about these exams. As mentioned, the first aspect of being put under terrifies me. Not sure what places my mind will go to while under. At night, while sleeping, I can often wake myself up if I am having nightmares. Under anesthesia, I will have lost that control. Next are the exams themselves. Active 1: What will the exams reveal? I know the prep for the colonoscopy is not fun, and actual procedure is not something I want to go through.

The medical staff, including the anesthesiologist, gastroenterologist, and nurses, are experienced professionals. But this has never happened to me.

I expect people who read this to reach out and tell me everything will be fine or okay. To offer comforting words about how routine the procedures are, and even explain their own experiences. To reiterate that the medical staff knows what they are doing. I value all of this, but as mentioned above, this situation is new to me.

Logically, I know all will be fine with the procedure. It is the experience and results that have made my anxiety soaring.

I once read “we often must consent to something we wish we did not have happen to us” from the book Interior Freedom by Jacques Phillippe. In my case, I consent to having this done. I will and have been restless as the day approaches.

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rumination

  I've found myself stuck in a loop lately. It's like my mind is on a hamster wheel, endlessly circling the same thoughts. I can't seem to shake them. It's exhausting. I've been there. That place where thoughts loop around and around, like a broken record stuck on the same groove. It's like my mind is a haunted house, and these persistent thoughts are the ghosts haunting me. I'll be thinking about something, maybe a conversation I had earlier in the day, and then suddenly, I'm spiraling. I'm replaying every word, every gesture, analyzing every detail. It's like a broken record, playing the same tune repeatedly. It's not just conversations, either. I can ruminate about my to-do list, my relationships, or even the weather. It's as if my brain is determined to find a problem, no matter how small. Rumination, as it's called, can be a real drain. It's like trying to go against the flow of a strong current. No matter how hard I ...

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...

Walk Tall

  I recently listened to a song by one of my favorite artist’s name John Mellencamp . The song is called Walk Tall . As I listened to the lyrics, I could not help reflecting on the world around me. John states: The simple minded and the uninformed Can be easily led astray And those that cannot connect the dots Hey, look the other way People believe what they wanna believe When it makes no sense at all… This is a recurring sight for me, encountered daily on social media, in conversations, on the news, and most notably in politics. People readily accept Facebook, MSNBC, CNN, or even their neighbor’s post on any platform as the ultimate truth. Very few people bother to delve into the facts, and it’s even worse how furious they get when faced with differing opinions. A point proven recently with a post I saw on Facebook. Someone stated, “this proves people will argue about anything”. There was a picture of a plastic cup of water that was ¾ full. The caption below said a fu...