Skip to main content

EGD & Colonoscopy

 


On December 1st, I have two procedures being done. First is the EGD (remember Sam) and the second is my first colonoscopy. I am not excited about these.

As I age and have various medical issues, I learn that there are more and more tests that I must endure. These all take time, cost a lot of money and then there is the joy of waiting for the results of each exam.

This next exam, however, scares me. I have never been one who likes to give up control of my body. Being ‘put under’. I avoid alcohol, pain pills, and illegal drugs for this reason. There is a daily fight with demons within my head daily and I am unsure if letting my guard down (via drugs or alcohol) will weaken that defense I have built up. I don’t want my demons to escape. Have you seen an angry drunk or psychotic crackhead?

The procedure will check if Sam is gone from my previous EGD, and the colonoscopy will detect any polyps or major issues in my lower gastrointestinal tract.

If you recall with my last EGD I was told as I was waking up that “there was a spot that needs to come out. Might be cancer, so we are sending it off to get biopsied”. I sat with that news for 4 days until the nurse called and said it was nothing and to continue taking antacids until my next visit.

My recent track record has not been favorable to tests. Heart attack, EGD results, blood work including diabetes spiking, and now I have these two exams to come. I achieved better health by losing weight, getting my blood levels checked, and walking daily.

I trust my doctor, but I am scared about these exams. As mentioned, the first aspect of being put under terrifies me. Not sure what places my mind will go to while under. At night, while sleeping, I can often wake myself up if I am having nightmares. Under anesthesia, I will have lost that control. Next are the exams themselves. Active 1: What will the exams reveal? I know the prep for the colonoscopy is not fun, and actual procedure is not something I want to go through.

The medical staff, including the anesthesiologist, gastroenterologist, and nurses, are experienced professionals. But this has never happened to me.

I expect people who read this to reach out and tell me everything will be fine or okay. To offer comforting words about how routine the procedures are, and even explain their own experiences. To reiterate that the medical staff knows what they are doing. I value all of this, but as mentioned above, this situation is new to me.

Logically, I know all will be fine with the procedure. It is the experience and results that have made my anxiety soaring.

I once read “we often must consent to something we wish we did not have happen to us” from the book Interior Freedom by Jacques Phillippe. In my case, I consent to having this done. I will and have been restless as the day approaches.

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A gift from a friend

Photo by: Tim Bindner Photography Recently I received a gift from a friend.  It was unexpected but it meant so much.  A simple gesture, an act of kindness, a show of love and friendship. I met Miranda via Instagram based on a recommendation from my buddy Mark.  Like most things, he recommends I seriously consider and highly respect his suggestions.  This was true to form.  I began following Miranda on Instagram, Facebook and even viewing her website.  I stuck up a few online conversations and got the nerve to ask her for an interview.  I wrote about that here . Eventually, text and online correspondence led to a few phone calls.  I admired her work and even discussed creating a book of my own and she admitted wanting to do one as well.  Specifically, I saw two pictures that I loved.  My passion for nature, especially trees is well known.  When I saw this photo (single tree) I was floored.  I even asked her if I could buy a copy.  Nothing really came of that.  I then saw another photo ...

Martin-Hogan-Long Cemetery

Photo by: Tim Bindner Today’s journey was to a seldom visited cemetery call Martin-Hogan-Long Cemetery (N38°06.621 W86°14.238). It is in Harrison-Crawford State Forest, but by the looks of the road to get there, few have traveled this way, or at least not traveled there in a long while. The bright sun made the 30° temperature feel warmer than it was. Something I would soon discover upon entering the thicker part of the forest ahead. Today’s hike was one mile one way, and I had a friend named Amanda join me upon this adventure. After grabbing our gear, we scurried around the locked gate at the end of a gravel road. By crossing the gate, we moved from a public road to the State Forest property. I was armed with a GPS and printed map showing “ overgrown, barely discernable fire lanes ” as given to me by my contact, a local Indiana DNR–Division of Forestry Resource Specialist. Amanda and I made our way downhill on the fire lane that quickly changed pitch and had us g...

Over Think?

Photo by: Mark Wilcoxson Last Friday I met with my Psychologist and as usual we had a great conversation about what things were troubling me as well as the things that were going great. One such topic I plan to discuss here. After a very emotional week for me, I discussed the three main impacts this past week held for me. While discussing the details with her, I mentioned two specific conversations I had recently. I was told by some “friends” that I am an over thinker. During our conversation, I provided the detail and the label I was given. She disagreed with that statement and diagnosis. As she described it (or I interpreted it) an over thinker is someone who harbors on a subject to where it affects them so much that it debilitates them. They will focus on a particular subject or issue and that exercise will affect other areas of their life. They may change their behavior, actions or lives because of it. She said if anything I ruminate. The definition of ruminate is ‘think deeply abo...