EGD & Colonoscopy

 

On December 1st, I have two procedures being done. First is the EGD (remember Sam) and the second is my first colonoscopy. I am not excited about these.

As I age and have various medical issues, I learn that there are more and more tests that I must endure. These all take time, cost a lot of money and then there is the joy of waiting for the results of each exam.

This next exam, however, scares me. I have never been one who likes to give up control of my body. Being ‘put under’. I avoid alcohol, pain pills, and illegal drugs for this reason. There is a daily fight with demons within my head daily and I am unsure if letting my guard down (via drugs or alcohol) will weaken that defense I have built up. I don’t want my demons to escape. Have you seen an angry drunk or psychotic crackhead?

The procedure will check if Sam is gone from my previous EGD, and the colonoscopy will detect any polyps or major issues in my lower gastrointestinal tract.

If you recall with my last EGD I was told as I was waking up that “there was a spot that needs to come out. Might be cancer, so we are sending it off to get biopsied”. I sat with that news for 4 days until the nurse called and said it was nothing and to continue taking antacids until my next visit.

My recent track record has not been favorable to tests. Heart attack, EGD results, blood work including diabetes spiking, and now I have these two exams to come. I achieved better health by losing weight, getting my blood levels checked, and walking daily.

I trust my doctor, but I am scared about these exams. As mentioned, the first aspect of being put under terrifies me. Not sure what places my mind will go to while under. At night, while sleeping, I can often wake myself up if I am having nightmares. Under anesthesia, I will have lost that control. Next are the exams themselves. Active 1: What will the exams reveal? I know the prep for the colonoscopy is not fun, and actual procedure is not something I want to go through.

The medical staff, including the anesthesiologist, gastroenterologist, and nurses, are experienced professionals. But this has never happened to me.

I expect people who read this to reach out and tell me everything will be fine or okay. To offer comforting words about how routine the procedures are, and even explain their own experiences. To reiterate that the medical staff knows what they are doing. I value all of this, but as mentioned above, this situation is new to me.

Logically, I know all will be fine with the procedure. It is the experience and results that have made my anxiety soaring.

I once read “we often must consent to something we wish we did not have happen to us” from the book Interior Freedom by Jacques Phillippe. In my case, I consent to having this done. I will and have been restless as the day approaches.

Until next time,

Tim