1 year after - poem

 

Thursday November 24^th, 2022. A day that would change my life. A few days of fear led me to a new outlook on life.

It has been one year today (depending on when you are reading this) that I had what the doctors described as ‘an event’. It took many questions, and finally a friend, who is a doctor, told me what the event meant. A heart attack.

Another friend said as I reminded her it has been almost a year, “it seems like long ago to me” that this entire ordeal happened. For me it seems rather recent some days and “long ago” other days. Regardless, it was life altering for certain.

My life has changed so much since last Thanksgiving and those few days after. I have lost over 50lbs and kept most of it off, regulated almost all my blood work back to normal levels, tried to exercise daily, and feel I really have a new lease on life. Hiking can still be tough but is much easier than before. I do not get as winded, or if I do so while climbing a hill, the recovery is quick. My legs still ache, but not to the extreme as they did in the past.

I have ruminated about most aspects of my life and decided what is and isn’t important to me. What is worth my energy and what is not? I spend more quality time with my wife. Stay in touch with close friends and family. I disregard the little things, and people, that cause me aggravation. I also enjoy vacations. Part of this is because of counseling and Dr. Erin’s advice on obligations that, in my head, I must do and not do. Demands by my internal Wanita voice (my mom). I am learning to ignore guilt and prioritize my peace of mind, focusing on what is best for me rather than on traditional or societal expectations.

Since the heart attack, my hikes are much more enjoyable, my photography is more fun, and the time I spend with those I choose to be around is more meaningful. Many things I automatically took for granted before.

I am less angry, let more things roll off my back, and take most things less seriously. I still have anxiety and worry, but it seems to be less than before the end of 2022.

So today I give thanks. Thankful for still being alive. Thankful for our financial situation we have worked so hard on. Very thankful I have a loving wife and son, and thankful to physically being able to do the hobbies I love, like hiking and photography.

Feeling inspired, I wrote this poem called Heart Attack:

 

In the depths of my life’s relentless race.

A sudden pressure, a chilling chase.

My heart was captive in its snare.

Caught in a grip, later repaired.

 

A symphony of pain’s cruel art.

A dance of shadows that tore me apart.

The rhythm of my heart’s beat.

In chaos, lost, my life stood incomplete.

 

Yet, from the brink, a flicker ever so bright.

God gave me a spark of hope, a guiding light.

My heart, resilient, fought its way.

Through this darkness’ grasp, into a new day.

 

The sting of fear and fading fright.

Replaced by strength, a newfound might.

My heart, a warrior, scarred but bold.

A tale of triumph, to be told.

 

In every breath, a grateful song, for life’s embrace, where I belong.

My heart, a testament to God’s grace.

Life’s second chance, in this precious space.

 

Until next time,

Tim