Ruminator

  There is a recent addition to joining our family. She comes home today. When we adopted Kraven, the breeder casually mentioned, "See you in six months." Confused, I inquired about the reason. He followed up with a confident smile, saying, "You'll be back to get another one." I couldn't help but laugh, but deep down, I knew he was right. When we went back to the breeders on March 9th, we were confronted with the overwhelming task of choosing a new puppy all over again. We took his advice into consideration and opted for a female this time. He had mentioned that having two males could cause frequent clashes, transforming our home into a chaotic battlefield. On January 20, 2024, Brooke came into the world. October 5th, 2023 marked the day Kraven entered the realm of the living. They are practically the same age, with only a few months between them. Initially, we set out to buy a half-sister with the same dad. Brooke captured our hearts, and we couldn...

  During a recent conversation with my cousin, we discussed the following topic. The specifics were a complete mystery to her. I then mentioned this to my wife, and like me, she did not know of the content I was about to disclose. Were you curious? Winnie-the-Pooh and his group of friends are lovable creatures who all have distinct personalities and unique traits. Here is where the knowledge was lacking. Each character, including Christopher Robbin, is based on a mental disorder. I will explain each character shortly but let me say I am about 70% piglet and 30% Eeyore myself. ·          Pooh–OCD and eating disorder. ·          Piglet–Generalized Anxiety Disorder ·          Rabbit–Narcissism, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ·          Eeyore–Dysthymic Disorder (depression) ·       ...

  So, I am finally coming to terms that I am not a forever type of person in most people’s lives. I mean, I’m okay to be a conversation when it’s needed, or I’m a person they call on when they need something. I am a placeholder or I’m a stand in. I am barely an option at the moment once they get whatever it is they need. Then they leave, and I am stuck holding onto feelings or emotions that drain me or cause me heartache. Accepting that realization that I am not a forever type person in people’s lives is reality. I have a tiny group of people that check on me regularly and for that; I am grateful. Most others fall into the category above. Until next time, Tim

  There is still a war going on within me, but things have changed. I'm no longer trying to destroy myself, I'm on a rescue mission now. Today, I am hoping for a breakthrough in my mental health journey. As I hiked today, I received some exciting news that brought a smile to my face and made the journey even more enjoyable. I ended the day with a new treatment plan that begins tonight. I met with a psychiatrist (recommended by Dr. Erin) and he went over my mental health history and, ultimately, he prescribed a new medication. Doctors categorize this medication under the anxiolytic classification and primarily use it to treat generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It is an FDA-approved medicine for managing anxiety disorders or the short-term relief of anxiety symptoms. Ironically, the mere thought of seeing him or relying on medication for mental health caused me a great deal of stress. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to trust Erin and pay him a visit after ruminating ...

  I had a good hike today but ended up having to get rescued by the DNR (Department of Natural Resources). The park office came into view as I arrived a little after 8:30am, and I could feel the warmth of the morning sun on my skin. I had emailed the Property Manager, eager to learn about the trail’s condition and the experience I could expect while hiking it. I took advantage of being in the area and made an impromptu stop. Despite purchasing a map a few months ago, I was disappointed to find out that it was no longer accurate. The trail’s identity was not determined by the markings on the map, but by its name and the vivid hue that distinguished it. A printout with the most up-to-date map was handed to me, crisp and neatly folded. Today’s trek would be on the Louden’s Ridge horse’s trail. The trail travels one way for 2.1 miles (upon which I would need to return) and is described on the property map as “ The Louden’s Ridge Trail begins on the Interstate Loop a short distanc...

  Hi, my name is Bronco. I was out with my brother today when I came across two strangers who were hiking in the woods. They do not have my sense of smell nor sense of direction, so I took it upon myself to guide them. This isn't just any walk, it's my job to guide these strangers safely through their adventure! Through these mysterious woods. Without me, they would surely get lost. The trail smells like a million adventures. There's the earthy musk of damp dirt, the sweet, piney tang of trees, and something spicy and mysterious that makes my nose twitch. These humans, blessed with giant legs, hinder them while I zigzag, nose glued to the ground. Every rustle in the bushes is a potential squirrel-enemy to chase (though sometimes it's just a boring old lizard), and every fallen log is an obstacle course just begging to be conquered. Sunlight filters through the leaves in dappled patterns, making the world look like a game of hide-and-seek with sunshine. Birds chirp...

I recently saw a quote that resonated with me. Erin saw it today in my session and gave me a bit of the side eye. “ I am well tangled in an insatiable chaos- always balancing between the numbness and the screams. ”–S.A. Quinox. My mind has been a battleground of contrasting sensations, alternating between numbing silence and haunting screams. There is a constant oscillation, as if I am momentarily anchored in one place before being propelled to the opposite extreme. Next week I am meeting with a psychiatrist, as part of Erin’s recommendation. The plan is to discuss medicating me. At first, I was 100% against this, but then I realized I am on medication for cholesterol, for diabetes and for gout. This is no different. I have friends on Xanax and Adderall and they take them, not a prescribed but “as needed”. I want nothing nearly that strong, and will take it as prescribed, not “when things get bad”. During my leave from work, I hike almost daily, exploring new trails and immersi...

  I returned to the Upper Blue River Trail loop today. I hiked alone. Well, I had my thoughts to accompany me. Hiking alone through a winter forest cloaked in dampness is an experience of hushed solitude. During a solo hike in the mist or winter, the quiet world presents a distinct pleasure. The air hangs heavy; the silence broken only by the soft drip of raindrops and the crunch of your boots on the frost-laced ground. Muffling fog creates a sense of intimacy with the surrounding landscape, highlighting the subtle sounds of dripping mist. Bare branches, stark against the gray sky, reach out like skeletal fingers, while the evergreens stand stoic, cloaked in a mantle of icy needles. Dampness seeps into my clothes, a constant reminder of the chill that nips at my exposed skin. Yet, there’s a strange beauty in this stark landscape, a sense of peace that comes from being alone amidst the quiet power of nature. The isolation fosters a sense of introspection, allowing my mind to ...