Skip to main content

Hope

 


There is still a war going on within me, but things have changed. I'm no longer trying to destroy myself, I'm on a rescue mission now.

Today, I am hoping for a breakthrough in my mental health journey. As I hiked today, I received some exciting news that brought a smile to my face and made the journey even more enjoyable.

I ended the day with a new treatment plan that begins tonight.

I met with a psychiatrist (recommended by Dr. Erin) and he went over my mental health history and, ultimately, he prescribed a new medication. Doctors categorize this medication under the anxiolytic classification and primarily use it to treat generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It is an FDA-approved medicine for managing anxiety disorders or the short-term relief of anxiety symptoms.

Ironically, the mere thought of seeing him or relying on medication for mental health caused me a great deal of stress. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to trust Erin and pay him a visit after ruminating on it for quite some time. To maintain my health, I rely on medication for my heart, cholesterol, and blood pressure. I convinced myself that my brain also needs something to get me through the days.

The other bit of news I received today was that my leave from Humana will be extended. I now will return on April 1st with a small transition. I will work my first week back 4 hours a day, then week two will be 6 hours a day, then the third week will be full time. This, of course, is still waiting for final approval from Humana.

I have a follow-up with Dr. Erin this Friday and seeing the psychiatrist on April 9th. I appreciate all of those who have reached out to me and/or Marcie during this time. It means a lot to me.

I have hope. My hope is a flicker of light in the darkest corners of my mind. It’s a fragile thing, sometimes no bigger than a single ember, but it holds the potential to ignite a roaring fire. It warms me from the inside out, pushing away the chills of doubt and despair. Hope paints the future in bright hues, a canvas splashed with possibility. Hope whispers a gentle promise, caressing my skin like a soft breeze, and reminds me I can conquer even my most formidable anxiety. It’s the invigorating feeling that propels me out of bed each morning, eager to confront whatever obstacles lie ahead.

I curled my aching fingers around fistfuls of maybe and called it hope.”- Mira Harlow

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rumination

  I've found myself stuck in a loop lately. It's like my mind is on a hamster wheel, endlessly circling the same thoughts. I can't seem to shake them. It's exhausting. I've been there. That place where thoughts loop around and around, like a broken record stuck on the same groove. It's like my mind is a haunted house, and these persistent thoughts are the ghosts haunting me. I'll be thinking about something, maybe a conversation I had earlier in the day, and then suddenly, I'm spiraling. I'm replaying every word, every gesture, analyzing every detail. It's like a broken record, playing the same tune repeatedly. It's not just conversations, either. I can ruminate about my to-do list, my relationships, or even the weather. It's as if my brain is determined to find a problem, no matter how small. Rumination, as it's called, can be a real drain. It's like trying to go against the flow of a strong current. No matter how hard I ...

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...

Walk Tall

  I recently listened to a song by one of my favorite artist’s name John Mellencamp . The song is called Walk Tall . As I listened to the lyrics, I could not help reflecting on the world around me. John states: The simple minded and the uninformed Can be easily led astray And those that cannot connect the dots Hey, look the other way People believe what they wanna believe When it makes no sense at all… This is a recurring sight for me, encountered daily on social media, in conversations, on the news, and most notably in politics. People readily accept Facebook, MSNBC, CNN, or even their neighbor’s post on any platform as the ultimate truth. Very few people bother to delve into the facts, and it’s even worse how furious they get when faced with differing opinions. A point proven recently with a post I saw on Facebook. Someone stated, “this proves people will argue about anything”. There was a picture of a plastic cup of water that was ¾ full. The caption below said a fu...