Skip to main content

Hope

 


There is still a war going on within me, but things have changed. I'm no longer trying to destroy myself, I'm on a rescue mission now.

Today, I am hoping for a breakthrough in my mental health journey. As I hiked today, I received some exciting news that brought a smile to my face and made the journey even more enjoyable.

I ended the day with a new treatment plan that begins tonight.

I met with a psychiatrist (recommended by Dr. Erin) and he went over my mental health history and, ultimately, he prescribed a new medication. Doctors categorize this medication under the anxiolytic classification and primarily use it to treat generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It is an FDA-approved medicine for managing anxiety disorders or the short-term relief of anxiety symptoms.

Ironically, the mere thought of seeing him or relying on medication for mental health caused me a great deal of stress. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to trust Erin and pay him a visit after ruminating on it for quite some time. To maintain my health, I rely on medication for my heart, cholesterol, and blood pressure. I convinced myself that my brain also needs something to get me through the days.

The other bit of news I received today was that my leave from Humana will be extended. I now will return on April 1st with a small transition. I will work my first week back 4 hours a day, then week two will be 6 hours a day, then the third week will be full time. This, of course, is still waiting for final approval from Humana.

I have a follow-up with Dr. Erin this Friday and seeing the psychiatrist on April 9th. I appreciate all of those who have reached out to me and/or Marcie during this time. It means a lot to me.

I have hope. My hope is a flicker of light in the darkest corners of my mind. It’s a fragile thing, sometimes no bigger than a single ember, but it holds the potential to ignite a roaring fire. It warms me from the inside out, pushing away the chills of doubt and despair. Hope paints the future in bright hues, a canvas splashed with possibility. Hope whispers a gentle promise, caressing my skin like a soft breeze, and reminds me I can conquer even my most formidable anxiety. It’s the invigorating feeling that propels me out of bed each morning, eager to confront whatever obstacles lie ahead.

I curled my aching fingers around fistfuls of maybe and called it hope.”- Mira Harlow

Until next time,

Tim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mentor

  When my photography journey rekindled back in 2015 with a trip to Maine, I never knew how far I would come and how important pushing a button on a camera would be. I have come a long way, but still have so much more to learn. A mentor is described as an experienced and trusted adviser (noun) . Also, as someone who will advise or train (someone, especially a younger  colleague ) (verb). Wikipedia also states mentorship is the patronage, influence, guidance, or direction given by a mentor. A mentor is someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.  Since I have gotten more serious about my photography, I have been looking for a mentor that fits these categories listed above. Seeking guidance, I reached out to a handful of “professional” photographers to inquire about mentorship. I received no response from one person, another person casually mentioned that they rarely mentor, and a third person kindly explained that they ...

Nobody's Listening

  I recently had conversations with two people I know that had experienced a sudden rash of acute anxiety. One was medication related, the other was situational. Both stated that they now had a better understanding of what I have been dealing with. With the recent changes to my medication, Although I still feel anxiety, it no longer takes control of my emotions like it did in the past. However, I know acutely that it still lurks on the fringes, patiently awaiting its chance to pounce on me. During my recent visit to Dr. Erin, she assigned me an exercise where I had to jot down three things each day that I felt I excelled at. This is proving to be difficult for me. The parameters are straightforward and easy to understand. “Anything I do well that day,” she said. As I continued with this exercise, I began thinking of a song by Linkin Par called Nobody’s Listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress Handful of anger held in my chest And everything left’s a wast...

Tested

  Life is a series of tests, pushing us to our limits and forcing us to grow. All blessings originate from a God, yet they manifest through different circumstances, encounters, and individuals. Throughout the past six weeks, I have encountered a myriad of these tests. This is part of the reason I have not written in a while - the constant distractions that have consumed my time and focus. Balancing my mental state and warding off anxiety has consumed my attention, leaving no room to articulate my thoughts through writing. My journey began recently when, with the advice of a medical professional, I began taking Trintellix at its lowest dose of 5mg per day. Gradually I increased to 10mg a day and now am at 20mg a day. During this time, my anxiety has lessened quite a bit, but recent events have put this medication to the test. Our initial challenge was to carefully research vans, searching for ones that would be ideal for safely transporting our furry companions. The cramped spac...