Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from February, 2024

One day at a time!

I am writing this blog with guidance from my psychologist. Since I have been on leave, I have been trying to focus on myself and honestly have not felt like writing. No blogs, no journals. Nothing. As she pointed out in today’s session. I need to write. Daily. Even if it is not for a blog post or journal post. To help me purge my brain. That begins tomorrow. During my leave that started February 16 th , and didn’t get officially approved until yesterday, I have been hiking. Dr. Erin stated this is my time to focus on myself. As everyone who knows me knows. I worry about way too much. Even worse, I try to help and fix others. All at a price. I neglect myself. This short hiatus from work is my time to focus on myself. To get me back to a good headspace. Using the tools that help calm me down. To ground me, even if only slightly. It all begins with hiking. I have hiked every day but 3 since I began my break from work. Sometimes with Mark. Others with Amanda or Amanda, but mostly alone. To...

Leave

  I’m not okay. This week has been stressful. So much, in fact, I had to take a medical leave from Humana. It began today and will last through most of March. Though I am relieved somewhat, I still am fighting some of those internal demons that constantly haunt me. During my last visit with the doctor Erin, she knew immediately, without a word, that something was wrong. She noticed, and we discussed these stressors on several visits prior to my last one. It is not uncommon for me to face challenges and feel emotionally unsettled. I haven’t been okay for a while. Every morning, I am greeted with a racing heart and a wave of panic and anxiety as soon as I wake up. I feel as though my heart is a runaway train, racing uncontrollably and leaving me uncertain of its eventual destination. Whether it’s anxiety, fear, overwhelm, burnout, depression, ADHD, or simply the fast-paced world we live in today, my mind reached its breaking point. Overcoming and shaking off this feeling is l...

Cliff Dweller Trail

  Music is and always will be my refuge. Music enhances my mood when I am happy. When I am sad, I identify with the lyrics. When I am agitated or aggravated, music calms me down. I have had a rough couple of weeks. I spoke to Dr. Erin about that yesterday. We have been remodeling our bathroom, so my daily walking has halted because of strangers in our house. I didn’t want to leave Marcie alone. Next, I had a few sleepless nights. I took off Friday to go hiking, but because I was up at 2am, I didn’t have the energy to hit the trail, so there was another failed opportunity to be in nature. Finally, there is the major stress of my job. I have tons of project management experience and even more process improvement experience. In fact, they hired me as a process improvement professional and my job title reflects that. However, I am not doing any process improvement in my role. Just the opposite. I am doing production work that is full of holes and obvious issues that need improving. The...

Scream

Imagine living with a scream inside you.  And that scream is yours. A scream no one else hears. My scream goes by many names. Doubt, depression, grief and pain . Until next time, Tim